As a result of reading all these "don't change your oil" threads, I have decided upon the following course of action.

From now on, I'm gonna drink a bottle of whiskey every night, smoke 3 packs of smokes a day, and eat nothing but cheese burgers, pizza and ice cream. If I don't ever go for a walk, or see the doctor for a checkup, I'll still be absolutely fine.

How do I know this will work?

Because none of you guys can tell me exactly which day will be the day I croak.

It's brilliant! I feel better already!