If you've been together for 25 years, and you're 54, it could be (speculation only here) that your kids (if you have/had any) have recently departed the nest and now you have more time to sit and look at one another than anytime prior to having kids. It's a very common time of strife for couples who were very devoted to the kids. My folks, for example, had a very rough time after my sister finally moved out and only solved their issues recently by getting super involved in Church (much to my chagrin, but whatever, it's their life).
I'll throw something out here which you can take or leave:
I've found it tremendously valuable to consider some typographic basics to get to a point on what exactly my sig. other feels is romantic, what type of things will be compelling/not compelling in various situations, etc.
There is a free test here:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm
I posted a Meyers-Briggs thread a long time ago, but I think the links in that thread are now dead... Anyway, answer the 72 questions honestly. You'll get a 4-letter "type" which you can use as a rough guide to your MBTI-type and google it. There are lots of online profiles. If the profile reads somewhat or mostly like you, great! If not, do a search for online MBTI or meyers-briggs and try another test. The full MBTI is long and somewhat pricey, but you can usually figure it out yourself with the free online stuff. Have your wife do the same and read her own profile- then read each other's profiles and see if they are illuminating in any way. It's often the case that different types will perceive romance in different terms, so even if you were as romantic as you could possibly imagine, you won't be romantic in her eyes. Try to understand her type and consider what she's going to think is romantic when planning something romantic. Sounds like she wants you to know what she'd think is romantic. Understanding types can help both of you see why this is unlikely, despite your deep knowledge of each other - and help it become much more likely in the future.
It might be an interesting experiment that the two of you can do together... take each other's types and each design a different special day for the two of you to share which caters to the other's type characteristics. Of course, that experiment might itself be unappealing to your or your wife's type... ha ha. Hope it helps.
Best,
Kevin