Thanks,you're right it's not related.

It turns out that the new Costco battery I bought was 50amps less than Benz spec and while it cranked the engine fast and strong, it didn't juice the fuel pump.

When I put jumpstart cables on the battery......the car fired right up immediately.

I guess the original fuel pump (128Kmi on it) needs a big kick in the ass to run.

It's funny that when a car, any car, mysteriously won't start it's usually the damn fuel pump... huh?