Just jump start it and drive in 3rd. The higher RPMs will charge the battery faster. It does, however, sound like the battery has failed.

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2008 E350 4matic / Black/Anthracite

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Gone but not Forgotten:
2001 E430 4matic, 206,xxx miles, Black/Charcoal
1995 E320, 252,xxx miles, Black/Grey
1989 260E, 223,00 miles, Black/Black