I've enjoyed reading your replies, thanks to all who posted - it helps give me perspective on this strange and difficult situation.
As for the division of assets; here in Mass there is a "fair and equitable" division of all marital assets. The posts earlier about infidelity are pretty accurate, it's just about a 50/50 split regardless of why the marriage failed.
We went to mediation to try and divide our assets so I would get more, but my soon-to-be-ex just said "I want half", never wavered, and is getting just that. She's done pretty well on the money side, especially for a woman who earned $9,000 or so thousand last year
Thanks again all, enjoy the day. I'll post back Wednesday after we go before the judge!