PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum - View Single Post

ramonajim · #1 03-15-2010, 11:43 PM

Ups and downs.

Ma has, in 96 hours, gone from flying away from Darling Wife and Chickee at warp speed in her wheel chair while they tried to get her into an optometrist cuz oh oh oh oh oh oh oh shiny shirts oh oh oh oh oh oh oh pretty! to.......

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh I'm falling! Help me I'm falling!!!!! while she is standing perfectly still, both arms around my neck, after I've lifted her from her wheel chair and have her standing next to the toilet because it's 4:40 in the ayem and she has to go NOW but forgot about the doorbell we mounted next to her bed so she managed to wheel herself to the kitchen and cry which woke me up just enough to recognize that something was amiss.

Doc Oh today says this may not have been small cell lung cancer after all. May have been ....... not sure what. Something with a very long Latin name that somehow translates into "she's pretty much ****ed anyway."

Can't help but go back to Chickee's assessment from a few months back: Cancer is an *******.

Doc Oh today resurrected talk of hospice. It is coming. We all know it, we all understand it, we all accept it. Except that we don't accept it. Ma is home, in all it's insanity. In home hospice? If it works. We'll see. In the meantime, there is Yet Another Chemo Drug to try. One that we will administer at home. One with FDA black box warnings that lead us to believe that we ought to be donning full force Level 11 biohazard suits to even consider opening the outer wrapper, let alone handling the actual silly little capsule the Nasty Drug is safely (?) ensconced in.

Right answer? Who the **** knows. I sure as hell don't. All I know how to do is to deal with the immediate crisis; to get Ma to the head no matter what time it is, to help Ma wipe, to get her back to bed, to get her salmon and bagels and coconut ice cream and fried oysters and whatever else she decides she wants right now.

Cancer is an *******. Pretty much sums it up.