A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a
drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all
around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the
bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and
eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs
one of the billiard balls. To everyone's amazement, he
sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what
your monkey just did?""No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he
eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue
ball and stuff."The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill,
pays for the stuff the monkey ate, and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his
monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts
running around the bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds
a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it
up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up
his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is
disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his
butt, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He
still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to
pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."

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1992 300D 2.5T
1980 Euro 300D (sadly, sold)
1998 Jetta TDI, 132K "Rudy"
1974 Triumph TR6
1999 Saab 9-5 wagon (wife's)