Thanks, guys. Turns out even as second owner, I still got a free jump from MB Roadside Assistance--- I was actually trying the number because I found it in the manual while verifying the boost posts under the hood.

So after 20 minutes of self-charging, she restarts.....but I can't for the life of me find the window re-sync procedure (which I had seen somewhere before)....consequently, the windows are stuck in the down position.

Always something, right? Also, it was an Autozone "Silver" battery, 2.5 years old...doubt it will hold a charge very long if it died on me the first time.

[EDIT]
Got the windows re-synced, she's starting (for now).....thanks for the help.