Ground: "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."

Pilot: "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

Ground "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?

*****

This Brit goes to Australia for a tourist trip and on the border they ask him if he had ever stayed in jail or had been arrested. So he says: "I did not know that was still required." (Thanks, Rich!)

*****

A man goes into a bar with a giraffe, they both get a couple of rounds in. When they get up to leave they're extremely drunk and the giraffe passes out and falls over. The man opens the door, about to leave by himself, when the bartender stops him suddenly and says, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!"

The man turns around and slurs, "Don't be silly, that's not a lion, that's a giraffe!"

*****

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."