Person1 and person2 go to a large city to donate sperm. It was a disaster!

Person1 missed the tube and person2 came on the bus!


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Person1was sitting next to Person2 on a plane.. Person2 ordered a whiskey.

The stewardess asked person1 if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"

Person2 handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"


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A personcalls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you ?"

Person replies "I don't know! Its your f***ing plane!"


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Person1 and person2 are working on a building site.

Person1 says to Person2 "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"

He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHTBULB!

I'M A LIGHTBULB!" Person2 watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Person1 you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site.

Person2 starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says person2.




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The bridegroom takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.

She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want don't you ?"

"Yeah," says the bridegroom. "The whole friggin' bed by the looks of it!"


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Q. What's a certain person and a pint of Guinness got in common?

A. A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!


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The electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not

servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!


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The boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on a beach was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which the BF said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"


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Husband and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like

mad in the garden. Husband says "To hell with this!" and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do ?"

Husband replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"


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A farmer is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.

"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"


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Person1 and person2 are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery..

Person1 say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Person2 says "What's his name ?"

Person1 replies "Miles, from London !"

Inappropriate ethnic humor tw

__________________
Grumpy Old Diesel Owners Club group

I no longer question authority, I annoy authority. More effect, less effort....

1967 230-6 auto parts car. rust bucket.
1980 300D now parts car 800k miles
1984 300D 500k miles
1987 250td 160k miles English import
2001 jeep turbo diesel 130k miles
1998 jeep tdi ~ followed me home. Needs a turbo.
1968 Ford F750 truck. 6-354 diesel conversion.
Other toys ~J.D.,Cat & GM ~ mainly earth moving