PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum - View Single Post

layback40 · #**225** 03-29-2011, 09:44 AM

You might have to think twice about these. Any reference to any race/gender/religion/sex has been removed. Hope that keeps every one happy.

A ###### hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip

Of their index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency

Room doctor asked them.

'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the ###### replied.

'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting

Off your finger?'

'No, Silly' the ##### said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, &

Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants...

I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'

'So then?' asked the doctor.

'Then I put the gun in my mouth, & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00

To get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'

'So then?'

'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: 'This is going to make a

Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the

Trigger.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A ####### was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad

Hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day they took it

To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that they were a #######, so he

Decided to have some fun... He told them to go home and blow into the

Tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out.

So, the ###### went home, got down on their hands & knees & started

Blowing into their tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So they blew a little

Harder, & still nothing happened.

Their ###### roommate saw them & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first

###### told them how the repairman had instructed them to blow into the

Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled their eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello!

You need to roll up the windows first.'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

These are just too cute not to pass on!!!!

A ###### was shopping at Target &

came across a shiny silver Thermos.

They were quite fascinated by it, so they picked it up & took

It to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos.....

It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the ######, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!'

So they Bought the thermos & took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on their desk.

'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot & cold things

Cold,' they replied..

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The ####### replied.....

'Two popsicles &some coffee.'

+++++++++++++

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

A ###### goes into work one morning crying their eyes out.

Their boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The ##### replies,

'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that

My mother had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for them, says,

'Why don't you go home for the

Day? Take the day off to relax & rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here.

I need to keep my mind off it &

I have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees & allows the ###### to work as usual.

A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to check on the ######.

He looks out from his office & sees the ###### crying hysterically...

'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

'No!' exclaims the ########.

'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'

Now if that offends any one then they are just placing their own interpretation on it.