ended up taking the 87 300sdl to craigs auto here in tucson, they had to drive it a while before it acted up but thought it was the valve body screens were clogged, etc

so they changed fluid and filter- which it was needing anyway- and cleaned the valve body screens that were very clogged

we get the car back tomorrow so hoping this was all it was

i will write an update after we drive it for a week or so

after reading a lot of trans threads these are the things that seemed to come up as issues for my trans at least

vacuum leak
bowden cable
valve body screens dirty
vacuum modulator
governor

hope this helps someone else

will report back after we drive it a good bit, this was a hard thing to get diagnosed becuase it would drive fine for 4-5 days and then quit shifting, then fine 3 more days, etc