- Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

- It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
circumstances: (a) when a heroic dog dies to save its
master; (b) after wrecking his boss's car; or (c) one hour,
twelve minutes, thirty-seven seconds into "The Crying Game."

- Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

- Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within twelve hours.

- If you've known a guy for more than twenty-four hours, his
sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

- Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge
is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature
is unsuitable.

- No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present
for another man. In fact, even remembering his buddy's
birthday is strictly optional. At that point, he must
celebrate at a bar of the birthday boy's choice.

- On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit
stops, not the weakest.

- When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event,
you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may
never ask who's playing.

- It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only
when you're sunning on a tropical beach, it's delivered by a
gorgeous woman, and it's free.

- Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
allowed to kick another guy.

- Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue
closed.

- If a man's fly is down, that's his problem; you didn't see
anything.

- Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be
treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the
game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports
watchers.

- A man in the company of an extremely attractive woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

- Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last
slice of pizza, but not both. That's just greedy.

- Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend
of yours.

- It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
acceptable for her to drive yours.

- Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink,
lime green, orange, or sky blue.

- The woman who replies to the question "What do you want
for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I
want!" gets a PS3. End of story.

- There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men's
gymnastics. Ever.