PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum - View Single Post - For Dads: How to Talk to Your Teenage Daughter About Sex

Benzasaurus · #15 10-18-2012, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SwampYankee

I missed the "I'm thinking of the second letter." part until I re-read your post.

As the dad to a 12yo girl (in addition to 3 boys aged 6-14), I'm terrified of the "talk" but understand that it needs to happen. I'm thankful that A) school has done the heavy lifting and B) she has shown a willingness to talk to my wife or I when she has questions or concerns about anything. She has spent enough time on a farm to at least be aware of the process from start to finish.

It's been a difficult age for her. She's about a year younger than her friends and most of her classmates but has always been one of the tallest. Borderline tom-boy, loves basketball and 1 Direction. She's a very confident leader on the court but that doesn't carry over to school and personal life despite getting very good grades, being friends with a wide range of kids and sticking up for them should the need arise and, not that it should matter but, she is an attractive girl. Maybe it's self-deprecation? Maybe she's just not comfortable with herself yet?

My wife and I used to wish she would be more concerned with her clothes. Her preferred outfit would be a t-shirt and hoodie and gym shorts or sweatpants, and that's generally what she wears. Everywhere. But after seeing how her fellow 8th graders dress, let's just say I wouldn't exactly be uncomfortable with my college-aged daughter dressing that way, we decided her current attire choice was just fine!

Loads of you guys sound like absolutely awesome dads, first off.

And yeah, SwampYankee, your daughter sounds just like a tomboy who is being attacked by puberty. Plus the way people evaluate her is moving from "she's good at sports" "she's cool" and "she's smart" to "she's pretty". It's kind of a weird transition when your looks start to matter. Some girls are prepared for it their whole lives, and leap into dressing like college age girls. And then there are some who wear sweatshirts and learn how to talk to boys by talking about music, for example.

So this stranger on the internet says she'll be fine, if it makes any difference.

I do think that if possible these chats with daughters should be part of a longer process instead of one sit-down. That's how my mum handled it and it kind of meant the lines of communication were always open if I needed them to be. Worked great.

Dads though, even if someone else is handling the science, dads can always talk to their daughters about consent and how if they aren't enthusiastic, no boy is allowed to touch them. And vice versa. Them's the rules. Not even hand holding. I think saying "enthusiastic" is important too, because it makes defining consent a whole lot easier.