Originally Posted by authentic African american security system (idaho falls)

My name is joseph, I am an African American student at idaho state University, and am currently working on my PhD in Microbiology. I am offering my services as an authentic African American to help you protect your biggest investment, your home. My different levels of service are as follows:

"Level 1- For $100, my microbiology study group will meet in your front yard each afternoon and study for approximately 3 hours. There are four of us: 3 are black, one is Hispanic. We will wear baggy clothes, gold chains, and we will turn our hats around backwards for the entire time we study.

"Level 2- For $350, each of us will wear temporary tattoos that have Chinese writing. We will also arrive at your home in my father's Escalade, which has large rims and low profile tires, and play Snoop Dogg the entire time we study.

"Level 3- For $600, we will take out shirts off and study topless. None of the members of the study group drink or smoke, but at this level we will drink IBC Root Beer on your property, and occasionally put candy ciggarettes in our mouths as if we were smoking. We also put a temporary decal on the front of Ecalade that reads, "Gangsta" in an ethnic looking font.

"Level 4- For $1,000, you get our premiere service package. At this level, we will study for 6 hours at your property from 9:00 in the evening until 3:00 in the morning. Please keep in mind, if you are going to be home durring those hours, the Snoop Dog music is optional. At this level, we also call each other by code names. Instead of Carlton, I will be known as Jamal.

"Let me assure you, nothing deters crime like authentic black people on your property, wearing baggy clothes and listening to rap music."