Since my signature car is working perfectly, I decided to look into the Hemi to see where the oil pressure is going. Surprisingly, it's a very easy engine to remove. Turns out the lifters are very loose in their bores, that's where the oil is going. They can be sleeved back to standard size. Looks like it will also need a crank, as it's undersize beyond specifications. Note that the rings aren't even broken in, their end gap is well within specs. It's built like a tank, I guess that's what was needed for NASCAR racing back in the day.

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'83 300D, 126K miles.