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Great story, Hunter, I laughed out loud!
Sad though, that some folks don't get it. After a blown engine many years ago, I began to listen to my mechanical mentor Much More Closely. Eating Humble Pie is not tasty.
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1998 VW Cabrio
2001 Audi SomeRoad A/T (no air suspension)
2003 Audi DeadRoad M/T (no vroom, for later)
2002 Audi NoRoad A/T (nothing under the hood, being rebuilt)
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