Quote:
Originally posted by haasman
Stefano
This, my friend, is a good thing!
You are now both on parity. No more outting her on a pedestal.
Don't take this as a loss or a setback. You are very lucky to be where you are now.
You are seeing that doubting only provided uncertainty. Now relax. Be who you really are. Did I say relax? Let it flow.
Call her up, ask her out. Just be who you are. Act like you are going out with your sister. Tell her everything. Talk with her AND include that you were nervous to kiss her. If she is as you have described her, she will respect and possibly adore you for YOU being who you are.
Have a great time. Have a wonderful evening. At the end, reach over and kiss her, a good one!
Go home and smile!
You deserve at least this.
Haasman
PS: NO GIVING UP! She means much too much to you. Go man go!
PSS: On another personal note, years ago, before I met my wife, I met a woman that absolutely totalled me. She was just an incredible person. Beyond what I had ever imagined.
I was jelly, worthless, incapable of even speaking correctly infront of her. This was my "be who you are" lesson. I whimpered away knowing that I would never be "enough" .... so I thought .....
Years and years later, I ran into a friend who said "she always thought you would have been great for her, she asks about you frequently .... but thought you didn't like her or something. Something was getting in the way ........"
Yeah, it was me, I was in the way of getting want I wanted. I recommend being who you are at all costs. If it doesn't work, it simply won't. But don't ever start being something you are not. Sooner or later it will fail.
The best you is the genuine 100% you.
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Thanks for the advice, again!
Who knows what goes on in the minds of women-- or anyone for that matter.
I believe what you say about being myself. Truth is, I was completely myself, except for that one thing: not being very forward with her. I've NEVER been a situation where I went on more than one date with a woman without kissing her. It's usually on the first date, but it's never gone passed the second date, so it's not so much a confidence issue with me.
In regards to Barbara, I had been given advice from one of her closest friends that her mindset was one of taking it slow and also not getting too physical. My mistake was assuming a kiss would be too much too soon.
I'm not sure where I'll take it from here. I am fond of her and wouldn't want to be a "jerk" by forcing the issue, taking her out again for dinner, and pushing the kiss..... but maybe that's exactly what I need to do. At least I wouldn't have anything to lose at this point. But I do value our friendship and don't want to jeopardize that either.
Too much to think about.
When I logged on right now, I was intending to write her an email to try to get rid of any misunderstandings. I'd explain to her that my approach with her was a bit different than I had ever used before-- the lack of typical romance and the kiss. I did suggest to her a few weeks back (after our second date, I think) that I'd like to come over to her house and make her dinner. "Too soon!", she said, followed by "Not really!" I took that to be her message that she wanted to take things slow, though she didn't want to offend me with my suggestion by adding the "Not really" part. But I figured she really did think it was too soon.
Who knows.
Maybe I'll break the code I set up with her friend (one of my housemates) and talk to him about it. He knows her pretty well. And, of course, he was the one who "clued" me in about her last relationship being too physical for her and that she wanted to take things slowly and set up a real basis before anything else happened.
I guess I should get my head out of the 1800's though.
I'll hols on that email for now, maybe call in a couple days and ask her to dinner. Too much??