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We'd been living together for 10 years, so it was kinda anticlimactic...
I took her for dinner at our favourite fine-dining establishment and simply presented the ring and asked her to marry me. Simple, pleasant, and in many ways memorable not because of the surroudings, but the company.
Our first date was December 17, 1982. We were both in our last year of high school, and we went to the Christmas semi-formal dance together. The rest, as they say, is history. 21.5 years later, we're still hangin in there, despite my appetite for cars, motorcycles, and hazardous pastimes like mountain climbing.
We actually got married in the summer of 1993, inthe Victorian-look-alike town of Port Townsend, Washington State. Yup, sometimes we Canucks visit the US and just get carried away and get hitched. We spent the next five weeks touring the western US by car, and it was great.
During the last 21 years, we have walked through the stages of our lives together. We lived on $550 a month for years while we were in school, paying $330 for rent, and having $220 for everything else. We've cheered each other on as we convocated university. We toasted the day the student loans were paid. I watched Helen's childhood dream of being a teacher come true. She stood by me as I struggled with the amoral issues that kept me awake in my own professional life. We made plans that never came true and we were surprised by wonderful events we never dreamed of.
When things were bad, we held each other up. My mother treated Helen as one of her own, and when we found Mom had cancer, it effected us equally. When Mom died, it crushed us, but thanks to having each other, we weathered the storm. I am sure had I been alone, I would have sunk to the bottom and never surfaced again.
We've had amazing days. In July of 1999, my daughter was born, changing our lives profoundly. I'm not sure I've been more worried and elated within such a short span of time in my life. I had never had much contact with children, and was unsteady in my role as father. Somehow, Helen knew in her mind that I would take to this in a big way and she allowed me to play as strong a role as I wished.
Oh, there are "Harlequin" moments where flowers fill the house or romantic gifts are unwrapped, but those are fleeting and don't provide the basis for a life long partnership. Caring, trust, and putting yourself second as much as possible is the real key. I honestly believe that many marriages end today thanks to pure selfishness, nothing more.
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