To Plantman:

I would let a qualified proffesional i.e. a psychiatrist decide whether your son suffers from depression or not. Suicidal feelings are an indication that something is wrong (and that someone wants help) whether they are carried to fruition or not. It would probably be a good idea because your son is going to probably be a lot more open about what they are thinking and feeling with a stranger than with someone they don't want to dissapoint. A pattern of sneaking around (because one is mortified of being found out) and doing drugs/alchohol are definitely a way of "coping". The stealing bit is obviously something that should be fleshed out. It sounds like your kid is fairly bright and well behaved other than this recent bout so something was up. Being bright in and of itself can pose a unique set of challenges because a person like this can be very painfully aware of how they screwed up. Reacting to rules and punishment in the manner that you described indicates a lot more than your typical rebellion or ploy for mercy (although it is obviously that too). It is a roadblock that your son has erected so that you have to prove that that you care. This is not about shielding someone entirely from the natural results of their actions but using it as a learning experience rather than a life ruining experience. If you are younger than 18 the law does not treat you like an adult because this is the time that people get to make mistakes and be somewhat shielded from the consequences and it is up to the parent to decide what is the appropriate penalty (sometimes through allowing the natural consequences to occur, sometimes by administering punishment). Twenty years from now when your son is a Dr. you will laugh about this. I wish you the best of luck!

I really agree with the guy from Canada. I have never been to high school (I went to college after the 9nth grade) but they are very much like prisons. Just walking through them I felt myself becoming incredibly rebellious and insulted at being treated like a criminal. I think that if you treat people like they have commited a crime then the feeling inspired is that you might as well do something to deserve your punishment.

I find it interesting how people can be so resistant to the reason that they feel the way that they do. AKLIM you are obviously bitter about the way that your parents treated you. I understand that. It sounds like your family were parochial *******s. They should have taken care of you at 16 and accepted more responsibility instead of leaving you out to dry. I grew up in a very strict harsh environment and I once had the same opinions that you do but then I turned 12 and I learned to be more observant. Learn to observe and not judge. Really good people are capable of making stupid/unoptimal choices but if it hurts no one but themselves then it is their right. There are few things worse for psychological development than the peon military mindset that you are encouraging. Note I say peon because this attitude is never encouraged among leading officers who are required to use their intelligence to solve problems in innovative ways. The consequences of a "perfect" life as you might describe it are disastrous. Unhappiness, banality, and an inability to use one's talents to their greatest potential are the result. It is so predictable that you would ridicule suicidal feelings. You've felt that way before, you are ashamed of it, and this is how you cope. You've fooled psychologists and psychiatrists! Congratulations the only person that you've hurt is yourself and your family. Learn to forgive, explore, and accept yourself. Go see a shrink and this time accept that you like everyone else have issues and that yours are not so terrible that they cannot be explored and amended. Certain personalities atrophy without obstacles and need a challenge in order to thrive and that is good but parents still need to take care of their children.