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Originally Posted by laurencekarl
To Plantman:
I would let a qualified proffesional i.e. a psychiatrist decide whether your son suffers from depression or not. Suicidal feelings are an indication that something is wrong (and that someone wants help) whether they are carried to fruition or not. It would probably be a good idea because your son is going to probably be a lot more open about what they are thinking and feeling with a stranger than with someone they don't want to dissapoint. A pattern of sneaking around (because one is mortified of being found out) and doing drugs/alchohol are definitely a way of "coping". The stealing bit is obviously something that should be fleshed out. It sounds like your kid is fairly bright and well behaved other than this recent bout so something was up. Being bright in and of itself can pose a unique set of challenges because a person like this can be very painfully aware of how they screwed up. Reacting to rules and punishment in the manner that you described indicates a lot more than your typical rebellion or ploy for mercy (although it is obviously that too). It is a roadblock that your son has erected so that you have to prove that that you care. This is not about shielding someone entirely from the natural results of their actions but using it as a learning experience rather than a life ruining experience. If you are younger than 18 the law does not treat you like an adult because this is the time that people get to make mistakes and be somewhat shielded from the consequences and it is up to the parent to decide what is the appropriate penalty (sometimes through allowing the natural consequences to occur, sometimes by administering punishment). Twenty years from now when your son is a Dr. you will laugh about this. I wish you the best of luck!
I find it interesting how people can be so resistant to the reason that they feel the way that they do. AKLIM you are obviously bitter about the way that your parents treated you. I understand that. It sounds like your family were parochial *******s. They should have taken care of you at 16 and accepted more responsibility instead of leaving you out to dry. I grew up in a very strict harsh environment and I once had the same opinions that you do but then I turned 12 and I learned to be more observant. Learn to observe and not judge. Really good people are capable of making stupid/unoptimal choices but if it hurts no one but themselves then it is their right. There are few things worse for psychological development than the peon military mindset that you are encouraging. Note I say peon because this attitude is never encouraged among leading officers who are required to use their intelligence to solve problems in innovative ways. The consequences of a "perfect" life as you might describe it are disastrous. Unhappiness, banality, and an inability to use one's talents to their greatest potential are the result. It is so predictable that you would ridicule suicidal feelings. You've felt that way before, you are ashamed of it, and this is how you cope. You've fooled psychologists and psychiatrists! Congratulations the only person that you've hurt is yourself and your family. Learn to forgive, explore, and accept yourself. Go see a shrink and this time accept that you like everyone else have issues and that yours are not so terrible that they cannot be explored and amended. Certain personalities atrophy without obstacles and need a challenge in order to thrive and that is good but parents still need to take care of their children.
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There was a case a while back where the woman was told by god to rock her kids. 2 died and one is brain damaged. 2 of those "professionals" you speak of said that she was insane and 2 said she was sane. Hmmmmm. Or 20 years from now, his son could be a criminal or on a slab of a morgue. Works both ways too. He was doing a magic show. He presents something that will get his attention of his parents so he can slide out of punishment. Go read the posts that he made.
Obviously I am NOT bitter. My dad taught me a valuable lesson. Thanks to that and the swattings on my rear, I am what I am instead of being a high school dropout and a thug or worse. Yes, he cared about me and sometimes, the hardest thing for a parent to do is to discipline their child. But, that is the job description. The let me hang out and dry because I didn't want to listen. Getting into trouble and having to extract myself out made me realize that I didn't want to be in that sort of trouble. Knowing how hard it was to get myself out, I made up my mind that I should stay out of that sort of trouble. My friend that I might have mentioned had a father that did that and he too turned out better for it. I fooled a mindfuk because I didn't want to take the mandatory art classes. I made them think it was causing more harm than good. It freed up my time to do things that I was more interested in and could excel in instead of what I really didn't like and knew I wouldn't use. But it was a good mental exercise for me. When they can convince me that what they practice is a real science, I'll believe it. Other than that, to me it is just a SWAG at best and an excuse for when you are in trouble. Yes, parents need to take care of their children. HOWEVER, that does not mean that common sense goes out the window. You cannot bail the person out of trouble everytime or where would the education be? All you are doing is reinforcing the idea that "You break it, I;ll fix it". What will happen when you die? Will you be able to bail them out from the grave too? I accept myself and realize we all have problems. I can amend them as necessary. I don't have the money to see 10000 shrinks so I can find the right opinion because that is what it will take. Even if I saw 100 shrinks, I will get a bunch of different opinions, solutions and causes. If I fixed your car like a mindfuk "helps" people, I think you will have a different attitude. There are so many factors they will not be able to nail them all down to achieve any sort of consistency in diagnosis, treatment and cause.
I don't redicule suicide feelings. I don't care for Attention Whores. If there are genuine issues, I am willing to sit with you and work it out. If you are trying to get attention then you can continue with your "attempt" and leave me out. In this case, the kid was just trying to pull at the parent's heartstrings so they go easy on him. That gets the AW stamp from me. Let me ask you this, how many people do you know that say they will commit suicide and actually do it vs those that do it without telling a soul? Discount those that try to get attention and accidently end up killing themselves.