So how come when i replaced the K38 I still have the same problem? As I said, I checked the starter=good, replaced the K38 (after shorting the 2 pins - then the car started). Is it possible that I just got a bad K38 from Fastlane? Is there any way to test the relay in an electronics lab with a power suply and a multimeter?

It sounds like I'm ok driving with the pins of the relay shorted as the CAN versions didn't have this relay in place.

I don't know if this is related, but it seems as though my flasher relay has died at the same time as the car not starting. It is making a soft buzzing noise that goes away when my turn signals are on. Anyway, probably unrelated, just thought i should mention it.