More...........



On the Roof

Another true story of a guy in L.A. who was afraid of heights, and had to go up on his roof to adjust his TV antenna. So he tied a rope around himself, and tied the other end to the bumper of his car. Well, he should have told his wife. She went out and got in the car to go to the store. The man was pulled off the roof and dragged down the street before someone alerted the wife to the fact that she had some extra cargo. The man was rushed to the hospital where he spent a couple of weeks recovering, more or less. Unfortunately, the story does not end there. To make amends, the wife planned a little surprise party for her husband the day he returned home. She invited several couples over to enjoy the festivities, most of them smokers. Since the wife and husband smoked too, they had several lighters around the house, and the wife decided to fill them before the guests arrived. To be safe, she took them all into the bathroom and filled them over the toilet. Have you guessed yet? Yes, the husband used the bathroom immediately afterward, and threw his cigarette into the toilet while sitting...

Butcher

There was a man who worked as a butcher in the grocery store near where I grew up. He was missing most of his fingers ever since I knew him. I learned later that he was missing exactly 3 fingers.

It seems he cut one off in a saw while cutting meat. The insurance adjuster came out to mete (groan) out the compensation, but needed more information on how the accident happened (can you see this coming?). In the process of showing how the accident happened, he cut off two more fingers. He continued to work at the store pumping gas and stocking shelves. I believe he died a few years ago. The store burned about 15 years ago.

Bird feeder

A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death, police said Monday. The 55-year-old man was standing on a wheeled chair Sunday when the accident occurred, said the Inspector of the regional police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony," the Inspector said. "It's one of those freak accidents. No foul play is suspected."

Beans and Cabbage

A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but the autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple other things). It was just the right combination of foods.

It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows open, it would not have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was "...a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas]." Three of the rescue workers got sick and one was hospitalized.

38 Caliber Telephone

47 year old man accidentally shot himself to death in December in North Carolina, when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

Killer Windshield

An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Reading

24-year-old salesman was killed in Florida in March when his car smashed into a pole in the median strip of Interstate 95 in the middle of the afternoon. Police said that the man was traveling at 80 MPH and, judging by the sales manual that was found open and clutched to his chest, had been busy reading.

Windows

Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said the 39 year old man fell into the courtyard of the Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. He previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. The managing partner of the firm told the newspaper that the victim was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

Metallica

Police in George, WA issued a report on the events leading up to the deaths of Robert Uhlenake (24) and his friend, Ormond D. Young (27) at the Metallica concert last Friday. Uhlenake and Young were found dead at the Gorge Amphitheater after the show. Uhlenake was in pickup that was on top of Young at the bottom of a 20-ft drop. Young was found with severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, and a branch in his anal cavity. He also had been stabbed and his pants were in a tree above him, some 15 ft off the ground; adding to the mystery of the heretofore unexplained scene. According to Commissioner-In-Charge Inoye Appleton, Uhlenake and Young had tried to get tickets for the sold-out concert. When they were unable to get any tickets, the two decided to stay in the lot and drink. Once the show began, and after the two had consumed 18 beers between the two of them, they hit upon the idea of scaling the 7-foot wooden security fence around the perimeter of the site and sneak in.

They apparently moved the truck up to the edge of the fence and decided that Young would go over first and assist Uhlenake later. They had not counted on the fact that while it was a 7-foot fence on the parking lot side, there was a 23-foot drop on the other side. Young, who weighed 255 lbs. and was quite inebriated, had jumped up and over the fence and promptly fell about half the 23 foot distance before a large tree branch broke his fall AND his left forearm; unfortunately, he also managed to get his shorts caught on the branch.

Since he was now in a lot of pain and with no way to extricate himself and his shorts from the tree, he decided, seeing bushes down below, to cut his shorts off and fall to the ground. Upon cutting the last bit of fabric from himself, he suddenly plummeted to earth, losing grip of the knife. The "soft" bushes were actually holly bushes and landing in them caused a massive number of cuts. He also had the misfortune of landing squarely on a holly bush branch; effectively impaling himself.

The knife, which he had accidentally released 15 ft up, now landed and stabbed him in his left thigh. Apparently, he was in a lot of pain. Enter his friend Robert. Uhlenake had apparently observed the last bit of this and, despite his inebriated state, realized that Young was in trouble. He hit upon the idea of lowering a rope to his friend and pulls him up and over the fence. This was complicated by the fact that his friend outweighed Uhlenake by a good 100 lbs. Again, despite his state he realized he could use their truck to pull Young out. Unfortunately, because of his state, Uhlenake put the truck in reverse, rather than drive, broke through the fence, landed on Young (killing him), was thrown out of the truck and subsequently died of internal injuries. "So that's how a dead 255 LB man with no pants on, with a truck on top of him and a stick up his ass came to be" said Commissioner Appleton.

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