Latest version of "TWO COWS".................

DEMOCRAT
>
>You have two cows.
>Your neighbor has none.
>You feel guilty for being successful.
>Barbara Streisand sings for you.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>REPUBLICAN
>
>You have two cows.
>Your neighbor has none.
>So what?....
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>SOCIALIST
>
>You have two cows.
>The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
>You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>COMMUNIST
>
>You have two cows.
>The government seizes both and provides you with
>milk.
>You wait in line for hours to get it.
>It is expensive and sour.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
>
>You have two cows.
>You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>
>You have two cows.
>Under the new farm program the government pays you
>to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the
>milk down the drain, and then taxes you on both of the cows, and the milk.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>AMERICAN CORPORATION
>
>You have two cows.
>You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an
>IPO on the 2nd one.
>You force the two cows to produce the milk of four
>cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You
>spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
>have downsized and are reducing expenses.
>Your stock goes up.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>FRENCH CORPORATION
>
>You have two cows.
>You go on strike because you want three cows.
>You decide that somehow it must be America's fault that you don't have three cows.
>You go to lunch and drink wine.
>Life is good.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
>You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
>an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
>They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
>Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
>You sell them to Americans for less than the cost of the larger, inferior American cows.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>GERMAN CORPORATION
>
>You have two cows.
>You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots
>of beer, give the highest quality milk, live 3 times as long, and run a
>hundred miles an hour.
>Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation
>per year.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>ITALIAN CORPORATION
>
>You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
>While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
>You break for lunch.
>Life is good.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> RUSSIAN CORPORATION
>
>You have two cows.
>You have some vodka.
>You count them and learn you have five cows.
>You have some more vodka.
>You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
>The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
>you really have.
You have some more vodka.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>TALIBAN CORPORATION
>
>You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
>You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
>creature's private parts.
>You get a $40 million grant from the US government
>to find viable alternatives to milk production, but use the
>money to buy weapons and train the cows to be martyrs.
>Praise be to Allah.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>IRAQI CORPORATION
>
>You have two cows.
>They go into hiding.
>They send radio tapes of their mooing.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>POLISH CORPORATION>
>You have two bulls.
>Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting
>to milk them.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>BELGIAN CORPORATION
>
>You have one cow.
>The cow is schizophrenic.
>Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times
>he's Flemish.
>The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
>The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's
>milk.
>The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
>The cow dies happy.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>FLORIDA CORPORATION
>
>You have a black cow and a brown cow.
>Everyone votes for the best looking one.
>Some of the people who actually like the brown one
>best accidentally vote for the black one.
>Some people vote for both.
>Some people vote for neither.
>Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
>Some people can't even figure out what the hell a cow is at all.
>Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state have to tell you
>which one you think is the best-looking cow.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>

__________________
_____
1979 300 SD
350,000 miles
_____
1982 300D-gone---sold to a buddy
_____
1985 300TD
270,000 miles
_____
1994 E320
not my favorite, but the wife wanted it

www.myspace.com/mikemover
www.myspace.com/openskystudio
www.myspace.com/speedxband
www.myspace.com/openskyseparators
www.myspace.com/doubledrivemusic

Thats good...

__________________
Proud owner of ....
1971 280SE W108
1979 300SD W116
1983 300D W123
1975 Ironhead Sportster chopper
1987 GMC 3/4 ton 4X4 Diesel
1989 Honda Civic (Heavily modified)
---------------------
Section 609 MVAC Certified
---------------------
"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Friedrich Nietzsche

http://www.jokeshandbook.com/en/funnypages/mulletcops/

I do not believe I would want to leave the house if my head sported the same types of mullets that I saw on that site.

I sat in front of the monitor in silent amazement. Is there anything we can do to make them go away? ...maybe ship them to another country? Can we, in the meantime, just tell the rest of the world that we don't know where they came from and that they don't actually belong to the general population? After all...the day may come when you find yourself in another country, and are shown one of those pictures and asked "Vat iz ziss?...How do you explain ziss? Are zere more like ziss over zere? Are zey dangerruss?"
I really do not want to have to deal with such embarrassment.

__________________
It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so. Robert A. Heinlein


09 Jetta TDI
1985 300D