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#1
12-12-2006, 02:15 PM
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Ponderables
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.... 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions? 8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 10. Is there another word for synonym? 11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 15 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? 20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? 21. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 22. One nice thing about egotists: They don`t talk about other people. 23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? 24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 25. How is it possible to have a civil war? 26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? 28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it? 30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? 31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? 33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented? 
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#3
12-12-2006, 04:09 PM
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Quote:
__________________
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#4
12-12-2006, 04:30 PM
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#5
12-12-2006, 04:34 PM
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Quote:
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#6
12-12-2006, 04:46 PM
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If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, then why is there a song about him? The sentence following this one is false. The previous sentence is true. If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead? If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?" When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in? Why are there "interstates" in Hawaii? If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him? How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away? If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Why do they report power outages on TV? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? Is it possible to be totally partial? If a tree falls on a mime, does it make a sound? What's another word for thesaurus? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off? If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
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Satan creates nothing: he only ruins everything. He does not invent: he tampers. And his followers are no different ~ Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò
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#7
12-12-2006, 05:03 PM
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I prefer limericks and sea chanteys...
WARNING!!!!!ADULT CONTENT!!!! http://www.mining.wits.ac.za/venus.htm
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#10
12-13-2006, 08:39 AM
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Why does someone believe you when you say there are 4 billiion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesnt glue stick to the bottle? Why doesnt Tarzan have a beard? What is the speed of darkness? Are there specially reserved spaces for "normal" people at The Special Olympics? Can you cry underwater? Why does round pizza come in a square box? And, why do people go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
__________________
'82 W123 280E
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#11
12-13-2006, 11:47 PM
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*** The Thread Should Be Re-named... ***
C A R L I N I S M S
__________________
.  . M. G. Burg'10 - Dakota SXT - Daily Ride / ≈ 172.5K .'76 - 450SLC - 107.024.12 / < .89.20 K ..'77 - 280E - 123.033.12 / > 128.20 K ...'67 - El Camino - 283ci / > 207.00 K ....'75 - Yamaha - 650XS / < 21.00 K .....'87 - G20 Sportvan / > 206.00 K ......'85 - 4WINNS 160 I.O. / 140hp .......'74 - Honda CT70 / Real 125 . “I didn’t really say everything I said.” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ~ Yogi Berra ~
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