premarital living arrangements - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

E150GT · #1 05-22-2007, 07:41 PM

How do you guys feel about living with your boyfriend/girlfriend before marriage? i have recently decided to take the plunge and get an apartment with my girlfriend of two years. I was raised Cathloic and my parents probably will freak out when I tell them. i just wanted to hear a wider range of opinions on this subject before i tell my parents. (if I tell them) so I have some ammo to back myself in a debate wich is sure to happen.

The Swede · #2 05-22-2007, 07:59 PM

Testing the waters.

I did it for 7 years and you get a good idea of things will go after marriage. In our case, nothing dramatically changed except her last name.

My parents weren't so enthusiastic about the living arrangements, but they liked my then girlfriend. Also, what could they do about it? No point in getting angry over something beyond your control.

kknudson · #3 05-22-2007, 08:23 PM

The wife and I lived together for 5 years, we are about to celebrate or 22nd anniversary.
My Mom didn't like it, but accepted it.
Her mom didn't like it at all, but she was in Ca, so it didn't matter much.

My brother and his wife lived together 10+ years. Maybe it runs in the family.

Had a neighbor, never aasked just assumed. Then they invited us to their wedding. They had lived together almost 30 years.

I think it's a good way to check the compatibility. And you have to work to make the relationship work.

The Swede · #4 05-22-2007, 08:31 PM

I could be wrong, but thought I read some stats saying that those living together before marriage had a higher divorce rate than those who did not.

...I just used the Google and there are a lot of articles and stats supporting this.

aklim · #5 05-22-2007, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by E150GT

How do you guys feel about living with your boyfriend/girlfriend before marriage? i have recently decided to take the plunge and get an apartment with my girlfriend of two years. I was raised Cathloic and my parents probably will freak out when I tell them. i just wanted to hear a wider range of opinions on this subject before i tell my parents. (if I tell them) so I have some ammo to back myself in a debate wich is sure to happen.

No point in debating. They will either accept it or not. Doubtful you can change their mind to seeing it your way or them changing your mind to see it their way. All it gets you into is a shouting match which BOTH parties will lose.

Don't hide it and just tell them as a matter of fact. If they say anything, the stock answer is "Mom, Dad. With all due respect, this is something that we have thought of and decided that this is the way we want to proceed."

Kuan · #6 05-22-2007, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Swede

I could be wrong, but thought I read some stats saying that those living together before marriage had a higher divorce rate than those who did not.

...I just used the Google and there are a lot of articles and stats supporting this.

That's because those divorced people don't have the church telling them to stay married or go to hell.

AustinsCE · #7 05-22-2007, 09:08 PM

Dear god man, why would you want to?

The Swede · #8 05-22-2007, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kuan

That's because those divorced people don't have the church telling them to stay married or go to hell.

Yeah, the dualistic nature of religion can certainly f-up a marriage. Not to mention most everything.

Matt SD300 · #9 05-22-2007, 09:13 PM

11years living together!!!!

...married 8...

......its a long story....but a good one!

RG5384 · #10 05-23-2007, 12:11 AM

I will for one say that it is a bad idea. In the event you break up, your home(aka "safe place") will no longer be your safe place, and will only increase the damage done by the breakup. Also, it tends to increase the level of comfort to the point that you no longer feel you have to make plans with your girlfriend, and that can cause problems as well as assumptions are made and never hold true. Make sure if you do that you allow ample time for both of you to keep your own lives,
Ryan

kip Foss · #11 05-23-2007, 12:24 AM

My wife and I lived together for 7 years before marrying and have been wed 29 years as of yesterday. What kept up together all these years is that we traveled together overseas for 20 years. If you really want to see the metal of a person you need to travel rough around the world a bit. Traveling together will sort out the good from the bad very quickly.

Living together will also tell you how that person handles money, house keeping, personal habits, stress, and it will give you a chance to really get to know her/his family. If you don't win over the family or they don't take to you relation with your mate will be an up hill battle all the way. Read Ann Landers advice column. Probably 80% of the letters are about in-laws trouble.

My youngest son has just moved in with a girl he has been dating for 2 years. He has seen a whole new side of her since she has had to be responsible for money and an apartment. I hope the penny drops before she gets mit kinder, but nothing I say about her irresponsibility will hit home until he sees it for himself.

E150GT · #12 05-23-2007, 12:33 AM

my girlfriend stays at my apt a lot so i already know a lot about her, ai just worry about paying for an apartment by myself in the unlikley event we do break up.

kip Foss · #13 05-23-2007, 01:00 AM

The insight you gain by living in close quarters and having to deal with all the problems of cohabitation will far outweigh any extra costs you incur by having her leave. If she leaves or you ask her to go it will probably be because of problems due to living together. How lucky you will be to discover these problems early in your relationship and not after you have had 2 kids and have a $800 a month mortgage around your neck.

Mistress · #14 05-23-2007, 09:37 AM

Definitely do it, best to test the waters and find out if you two are compatible living wise. Parents might be upset but they'd be more upset if you got a divorce.....irregardless(sp) of their religious preference.

kerry · #15 05-23-2007, 09:55 AM

I'm definitely in favor of living together, but as it happens my wife and I didn't live together before we married and have been married for almost 31 years. We did live down the street from each other for 6 yrs prior to marrying.