Miserable Puns Thread

[R Leo]

The postal workers were lamenting the loss of a female co-worker. At her wake, they letter RIP.

[Carleton Hughes]

What did the Ram say as he fell off the cliff?

"Dammit,I didn't see that Ewe turn"............

[A264172]

Remember the 60's?... burrning the bra was a big flop.

[Carleton Hughes]

Confucius say "many men smoke but a Fu Manchu".........

[A264172]

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Then I got a job as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

[Carleton Hughes]

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who couldn't keep her pupils under control?

[Dubyagee]

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They crashed into each other. At last report, the survivors were marooned.

[Carleton Hughes]

Then there was the cabinetmaker who committed suicide by drinking linseed oil and shellack..

He had a miserable life but a fine finish.

[Carleton Hughes]

"Hey" said the horny kid working in the pet store to a comely maiden,"you ever hold a macaw?" "No"she replied.

"Well,I bet you kissed a cockatoo"he rejoined.

[Since66]

What did the laundryman ask the Mother Superior?

"Do you have any dirty habits?"

[Dubyagee]

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder & got a little behind in his work?


Ghandi, the Super-Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed by Halitosis.

[A264172]

I'd like to take a short reprive from the puns to thank my lucky stars that we have a member here at Mersedesshop like the 'Mistres', she sure helps break up the monogamy around this place.

[Larry Delor]

When the pig lost his voice, he became disgruntled.

[Kuan]

What did one mushroom say to the other?

You're a fungi.

[Dubyagee]

I was having dinner with a world chess champion and on the table was a checkered tablecloth. It took him 2 hours to pass me the salt.