Dont Send Me any more EMAILS
 

Dear All



My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........



I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the

glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every

envelope that needs sealing.



Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same

reason.



I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny

Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.



I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive

the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for

participating in their special e-mail program .... Or from the senior

bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for

pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.



I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking

out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.



I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a

water buffalo on a hot day.



Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I

forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

minutes.



Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can

remove toilet stains.



I no longer can buy diesel without taking a friend along to watch the

car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.



I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with an

aftershave sample and rob me.



I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a

number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,

Singapore and Uzbekistan.



Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown

African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when

it bites my bum.



And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $50.00 I found

dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex

molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.



If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70

minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm

this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,

causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it

actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's

ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beauticians relative once

removed.



By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has

discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity

always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.



Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!

Yep, just outside one's door lies a foul den of iniquity,lust,greed,envy and murder.
Some folks are simply too unprepared for this daily struggle called life.

Thank you for your responsiveness to the E Mail compaign. We would like to award you a special prize for your loyalty and faithfulness. To claim your prize you must simply send 100 . . . . . .

Lust, greed and envy? I don't even have to step outside my door for that.

What's your phone number,friend?:D

Oh MY! Brother Aklim, you need to come to the Lard!

Regretfully I can't praise the Lard since I use Olive Oil.......

1-900-HOT-SEXX :D:D

Lard or Lair?

Is it better to use the Extra Virgin version?

We used memonics to remember the rainbow colors

Virgin Violet
In Indigo
Bed Blue
Gives Green
You Yellow
Orgasmic Orange
Reaction Red

Just like with resistors:

# Color --- Mnemonic

0 Black ---- Bad
1 Brown ---- Boys
2 Red ------ Rape
3 Orange --- Our
4 Yellow --- Young
5 Green ---- Girls
6 Blue ----- But
7 Violet --- Violet
8 Grey ----- Gives
9 White ---- Willingly
5% Gold ---- Get
10% Silver - Some
20% None --- Now

Well than, I guess you needn't worry about becoming a Lard-ass . . . Glad to see you're practicing "heart healthy" religion.

Through all that, you never got any e-mails warning you NOT TO OPEN certain e-mails titled "so-and-so" containing malicious viruses that will erase your hard drive and there is no known antivirus available to ward off the attack?

I just got one today...and it even said snopes confirmed it (although snopes flatly asserts that it's a hoax)...

Nahh,that bleeds too much and cries for an hour afterwards.

Only if they are conscious, right? BTW, isn't that why they invented the mouth gag?

Whoa, no more hand on the mouse while reading e-mails for me. I sure hope it's reversible. :eek: