Dont Send Me any more EMAILS - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

TX76513 · #1 11-29-2007, 02:28 PM

Dear All

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the

glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every

envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same

reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny

Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive

the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for

participating in their special e-mail program .... Or from the senior

bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for

pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking

out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a

water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I

forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can

remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy diesel without taking a friend along to watch the

car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with an

aftershave sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a

number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,

Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown

African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when

it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $50.00 I found

dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex

molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70

minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm

this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,

causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it

actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's

ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beauticians relative once

removed.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has

discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity

always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!