Dear All



My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........



I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in the

glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every

envelope that needs sealing.



Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same

reason.



I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny

Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.



I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive

the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for

participating in their special e-mail program .... Or from the senior

bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for

pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.



I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking

out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.



I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a

water buffalo on a hot day.



Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I

forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

minutes.



Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can

remove toilet stains.



I no longer can buy diesel without taking a friend along to watch the

car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.



I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with an

aftershave sample and rob me.



I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a

number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,

Singapore and Uzbekistan.



Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown

African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when

it bites my bum.



And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $50.00 I found

dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex

molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.



If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70

minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm

this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,

causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it

actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's

ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beauticians relative once

removed.



By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has

discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity

always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.



Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!

__________________
BENZ THERE DONE THAThttp://www.peachparts.com/shopforum/...c/progress.gif
15 VW Passat TDI
00 E420
98 E300 DT
97 E420 Donor Car - NEED PARTS? PM ME!
97 S500
97 E300D
86 Holden Jackaroo Turbo D
86 300SDL
(o\|/o)

Yep, just outside one's door lies a foul den of iniquity,lust,greed,envy and murder.
Some folks are simply too unprepared for this daily struggle called life.

Thank you for your responsiveness to the E Mail compaign. We would like to award you a special prize for your loyalty and faithfulness. To claim your prize you must simply send 100 . . . . . .

__________________
" We have nothing to fear but the main stream media itself . . . ."- Adapted from Franklin D Roosevelt for the 21st century

OBK #55

1998 Lincoln Continental - Sold
Max 1984 300TD 285,000 miles - Sold
The Dee8gonator 1987 560SEC 196,000 miles - Sold
Orgasmatron - 2006 CLS500 90,000 miles
2002 C320 Wagon 122,000 miles
2016 AMG GTS 12,000 miles

Lust, greed and envy? I don't even have to step outside my door for that.

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

What's your phone number,friend?

Oh MY! Brother Aklim, you need to come to the Lard!

__________________
" We have nothing to fear but the main stream media itself . . . ."- Adapted from Franklin D Roosevelt for the 21st century

OBK #55

1998 Lincoln Continental - Sold
Max 1984 300TD 285,000 miles - Sold
The Dee8gonator 1987 560SEC 196,000 miles - Sold
Orgasmatron - 2006 CLS500 90,000 miles
2002 C320 Wagon 122,000 miles
2016 AMG GTS 12,000 miles

Regretfully I can't praise the Lard since I use Olive Oil.......

1-900-HOT-SEXX

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

Lard or Lair?

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

Is it better to use the Extra Virgin version?

We used memonics to remember the rainbow colors

Virgin Violet
In Indigo
Bed Blue
Gives Green
You Yellow
Orgasmic Orange
Reaction Red

Just like with resistors:

# Color --- Mnemonic

0 Black ---- Bad
1 Brown ---- Boys
2 Red ------ Rape
3 Orange --- Our
4 Yellow --- Young
5 Green ---- Girls
6 Blue ----- But
7 Violet --- Violet
8 Grey ----- Gives
9 White ---- Willingly
5% Gold ---- Get
10% Silver - Some
20% None --- Now

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

Well than, I guess you needn't worry about becoming a Lard-ass . . . Glad to see you're practicing "heart healthy" religion.

__________________
" We have nothing to fear but the main stream media itself . . . ."- Adapted from Franklin D Roosevelt for the 21st century

OBK #55

1998 Lincoln Continental - Sold
Max 1984 300TD 285,000 miles - Sold
The Dee8gonator 1987 560SEC 196,000 miles - Sold
Orgasmatron - 2006 CLS500 90,000 miles
2002 C320 Wagon 122,000 miles
2016 AMG GTS 12,000 miles

Through all that, you never got any e-mails warning you NOT TO OPEN certain e-mails titled "so-and-so" containing malicious viruses that will erase your hard drive and there is no known antivirus available to ward off the attack?

I just got one today...and it even said snopes confirmed it (although snopes flatly asserts that it's a hoax)...

__________________
2009 ML350 (106K) - Family vehicle
2001 CLK430 Cabriolet (80K) - Wife's car
2005 BMW 645CI (138K) - My daily driver
2016 Mustang (32K) - Daughter's car

Nahh,that bleeds too much and cries for an hour afterwards.

Only if they are conscious, right? BTW, isn't that why they invented the mouth gag?

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

Whoa, no more hand on the mouse while reading e-mails for me. I sure hope it's reversible.

__________________
1986 300SDL, 362K
1984 300D, 138K