Creative Metaphors - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

Kuan · #1 04-10-2008, 11:13 AM

I bet English teachers live for these moments, just like gentlemen are awestruck when a hooker recites Shakespeare.

http://www.english-blog.com/archives/2006/06/really_bad_metaphors.php

Quote:

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around
the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains,
one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the
other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket
fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was
the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping
on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Dee8go · #2 04-10-2008, 11:18 AM

Stop it! My sides are splitting, Kuan. Those are frigging great.

Those were hilarious, like the misfortunes of others for whom we bear malice . . .

Chad300tdt · #3 04-10-2008, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee8go

Stop it! My sides are splitting, Kuan. Those are frigging great.

Those were hilarious, like the misfortunes of others for whom we bear malice . . .

My sides are splitting too ... like they do when you laugh real hard.

mgburg · #4 04-10-2008, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad300tdt

My sides are splitting too ... like they do when you laugh real hard.

ROTHFLMAO!!! Just like that Hefty bag full of veteble soup!!!

If laughter is the best medicine, I just added another 10 minutes to my lifespan...

Thanks Kuan!

.

Benzadmiral · #5 04-10-2008, 12:35 PM

Those are truly evil. Also funny.

I remember these howlers from a college composition class:

"Embedded in the ice of many frustrations, Marx naturally formed plans for dynamiting the ice."

"What is a citizen to do, with the octopus of Communism spreading its testicles over the earth?"
.

Mistress · #6 04-10-2008, 01:54 PM

1. I was so busy i didin't knwo whether to wind my butt or scratch my watch.
2. She was so ugly you'd have to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her.

3. I will treat you like a newspaper and turn the page.