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#1
03-19-2008, 12:41 PM
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Polish divorce
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete. I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No, we have carport, and not need one. I mean. What are your relations like? All my relations still in Poland . Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? No, I always up before her. Is your wife a nagger? (I LOVE THIS ONE) No, she white. Why do you want this divorce? She going to kill me. What makes you think that? I got proof. What kind of proof? She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'
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Paul S. 2001 E430, Bourdeaux Red, Oyster interior. 79,200 miles. 1973 280SE 4.5, 170,000 miles. 568 Signal Red, Black MB Tex. "The Red Baron". 
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#2
03-19-2008, 12:49 PM
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Ha ha ha. That's one for the "Clean Joke" thread, Paul.
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" We have nothing to fear but the main stream media itself . . . ."- Adapted from Franklin D Roosevelt for the 21st century  OBK #55 1998 Lincoln Continental - Sold Max 1984 300TD 285,000 miles - Sold The Dee8gonator 1987 560SEC 196,000 miles - Sold Orgasmatron - 2006 CLS500 90,000 miles 2002 C320 Wagon 122,000 miles 2016 AMG GTS 12,000 miles
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#3
03-19-2008, 01:11 PM
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Quote:
  
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Matt (SD,CA) 1984 300SD.. White/Chrome Bunts..Green 1997 2500 Dodge Ram 5.9 Cummins 12 Valve 36 PSI of Boost = 400+hp & 800+tQ .. ..Greenspeed 2004 Dodge Ram 2500 4x4 Quad Cab Cummins 5.9 H.O "596hp/1225tq " 6 spd. Man. Leather Heated seats/Loaded..Flame Red....GREENSPEEDGlobal warming...Doing my part, Smokin da hippies.. Fight the good fight!......
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#4
03-19-2008, 01:12 PM
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The other version I heard a long time ago was
Lawyer: Is your wife a nagger? Hillbilly: No but our son is and that is why I want a dee vorce.
__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke 99 E300 Turbodiesel 91 Vette with 383 motor 05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI 06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI 03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red 03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow 04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler 11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow
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#5
03-19-2008, 01:49 PM
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Blondes not so dumb after all . . . .
A friend just sent me this:
New Windows ~~~~~~~~~ Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Hellllooooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year, namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves ! Helllloooo ? It's been a year ! (I told him.) There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.....He never called back. Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an idiot. I need new windows. Maybe I should try this.
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" We have nothing to fear but the main stream media itself . . . ."- Adapted from Franklin D Roosevelt for the 21st century OBK #55 1998 Lincoln Continental - Sold Max 1984 300TD 285,000 miles - Sold The Dee8gonator 1987 560SEC 196,000 miles - Sold Orgasmatron - 2006 CLS500 90,000 miles 2002 C320 Wagon 122,000 miles 2016 AMG GTS 12,000 miles
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#6
03-19-2008, 01:57 PM
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Quote:
__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke 99 E300 Turbodiesel 91 Vette with 383 motor 05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI 06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI 03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red 03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow 04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler 11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow
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#7
03-19-2008, 02:00 PM
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Pella? Are THEY any good? Maybe I should start a thread about that . . . .
__________________
" We have nothing to fear but the main stream media itself . . . ."- Adapted from Franklin D Roosevelt for the 21st century OBK #55 1998 Lincoln Continental - Sold Max 1984 300TD 285,000 miles - Sold The Dee8gonator 1987 560SEC 196,000 miles - Sold Orgasmatron - 2006 CLS500 90,000 miles 2002 C320 Wagon 122,000 miles 2016 AMG GTS 12,000 miles
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#8
03-19-2008, 02:01 PM
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Quote:
__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke 99 E300 Turbodiesel 91 Vette with 383 motor 05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI 06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI 03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red 03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow 04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler 11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow
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#9
03-20-2008, 02:00 AM
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Good one.
__________________
-diesel is not just a fuel, its a way of life-  '15 GLK250 Bluetec 118k - mine - (OC-123,800) '17 Metris(VITO!) - 37k - wifes (OC-41k) '09 Sprinter 3500 Winnebago View - 62k (OC - 67k) '13 ML350 Bluetec - 95k - dad's (OC-98k) '01 SL500 - 103k(km) - dad's (OC-110,000km) '16 E400 4matic Sedan - 148k - Brothers (OC-155k)
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#10
07-09-2008, 09:50 AM
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One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window? The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'. The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?' The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.
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#12
07-09-2008, 09:59 AM
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Polack painter was out of work. Finally some guy hired him."I want you to paint my porch"sez the fellow.
Ol' Stosh comes back 4 hours later,tells the guy he's done. Fella sez,"So,you painted my porch the way I wanted?" "Yeah,"the Pole replied,"but you can't f*ckin'fool me,it was a Mercedes,not a Porsche".......................
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#13
07-09-2008, 10:38 AM
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A cabbie picks up a Polish dude who needs to get to the Yimka Motel. The cabbie says theres no such place, but he calls the dispatcher to be sure. After a few seconds the dispatcher responds, "I think he wants the YMCA".
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1985 380SE Blue/Blue - 230,000 miles 2012 Subaru Forester 5-speed 2005 Toyota Sienna 2004 Chrysler Sebring convertible 1999 Toyota Tacoma
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#14
07-09-2008, 12:25 PM
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Quote:
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"It's normal for these things to empty your wallet and break your heart in the process." 2012 SLK 350 1987 420 SEL
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#15
07-09-2008, 03:14 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
Oh, and Ken gets to pay Barbie's blood sucking lawyer too 
__________________
"I have no convictions ... I blow with the wind, and the prevailing wind happens to be from Vichy" Current Monika '74 450 SL BrownHilda '79 280SL FoxyCleopatra '99 Chevy Suburban Scarlett 2014 Jeep Cherokee Krystal 2004 Volvo S60 Gone '74 Jeep CJ5 '97 Jeep ZJ Laredo Rudolf ‘86 300SDL Bruno '81 300SD Fritzi '84 BMW '92 Subaru '96 Impala SS '71 Buick GS conv '67 GTO conv '63 Corvair conv '57 Nomad 
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