Having Kids - This could be bad.... - Page 4 - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

mgburg · #46 01-26-2009, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee8go

My will, however, names my heirs by the names I gave them. I don't know how changing their names affects that, but I told my lawyer I wanted it to be clear that nobody gets anything unless they have the names as they appear in my will.

Maybe some of you lawyers would comment on how something like that might work.

I remember a while back there was a discussion about specifically leaving EVERYONE something so that the argument couldn't be made that someone was mistakenly left out...that brings up the "...he musta' forgot..." defense for probate courts...

Besides, if your daughter(s) gets married and you're driving home from the ceremony and you kiss a tree for eternity...does your daughter share in what's left of your fortune?

You bet...and when you last saw her, she was the new Mrs. Non-Dee8go, not little Suzzie Dee8go...

So your little NCS should get something...token-wise...just so he remembers that YOU remembered that he didn't have the pride of carrying your name on...

Make sure you're able to include his current name, as best that you know what it is...to avoid the "...I forgot..." syndrome...

Here's an idea to avoid all that nastiness altogether...

I just got done seeing my own mother this past week...she mentioned that since all of us kids (her's) have kids of their own...she's dividing the estate up 6 ways, evenly, but instead of my brothers, sisters and I getting the payout, OUR KIDS get the cash when they turn 21...

I kinda' like it...I've seen too many folks, with siblings, turn on each other or get all "weirded out" 'cause one kid got a loan and another smoked up their inheritance...blah, blah, blah...ad nauseum...just SPELL out the specifics and make sure that everyone gets at least one dollar ($1.00) US...

Better yet, make sure the attorney that you have for this thing covers your state's minimum value amount so this will doesn't get contested...give everyone the minimum to start out the will, then go into addendums following the initial dole-out...

BTW, you still married? Make sure EVERYTHING IS KOSHER there too...otherwise, the surviving spouse is in for more hurt than is needed...kids can be manipulative. She won't need all that extra crap going on while she's trying to deal with your demise and all the related garbage, legalese-wise, that she'll have to deal with. She's already riding the emotional roller-coaster and now a few other shmucks need/want to bug her for cash and related materials? And she'll be getting "shelled" by friends/relatives and the kids, coming over to pick through all your belongings before you're even pitched into the hole?

Make sure your will is tight and alright with the little lady...she married you for "...better or for worse...'til death do you part." Don't make the death part seem to be the relief...

aklim · #47 01-26-2009, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgburg

kids can be manipulative. She won't need all that extra crap going on while she's trying to deal with your demise and all the related garbage, legalese-wise, that she'll have to deal with. She's already riding the emotional roller-coaster and now a few other shmucks need/want to bug her for cash and related materials? And she'll be getting "shelled" by friends/relatives and the kids, coming over to pick through all your belongings before you're even pitched into the hole?

Seen that happen more than a few times. That kinda influenced our decision as far as kids went. Sure, people try to sooth themselves and say "Not my kids. They won't do that." but quite often, we see that happening.

Mistress · #48 01-26-2009, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

You need to ask yourself 4 questions and be honest with yourself:

1. Can you afford kids? Remember, just because your wife is promised a hell of a job doesn't mean squat. She could be laid off, hate the job, hate nursing, etc, etc. So, can you afford the kids with reduced wages from her or you since you may not be able to work full time?

2. Do you want to afford the kids? IOW, would you be willing to make financial sacrifices for them and are you sure that you won't be resentful later on?

3. Do you have the time for kids AND yourselves?

4. Do you want to spare the time for the kids?

If you are not 100% sure on all of those, better wait till you are.

X2. Once they come out, you can't put them back...this was explained to me by a four year old who wasn't to happy with his new baby brother.

aklim · #49 01-26-2009, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mistress

X2. Once they come out, you can't put them back...this was explained to me by a four year old who wasn't to happy with his new baby brother.

No exchanges or refunds once merchandise is ordered.

Mistress · #50 01-26-2009, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aklim

No exchanges or refunds once merchandise is ordered.

all births are final....

John Doe · #51 01-26-2009, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee8go

Maybe some of you lawyers would comment on how something like that might work.

'
I don't think it would be a good idea to leave it like that, were it me (and you know I am in a different jurisdiction), because you have a situation where it is unclear if you have named a pretermitted heir. That lends itself to a potential will contest after the will is admitted to probate to determine if it was an intentional omission, or may allow him to seek a (if in your area) statutory child's share outside of probate. Judge's tend to not like (in my experience) "cuteness", so if the final litmus test was essentially if he changed his name back, he would take under the will, I would think a challenge would be successful (without any requirement that he change his name) and the estate may have to suffer his costs in making the challenge. Just quick thoughts on the fly....

I would either leave him in or leave him out, again, were it me. That way you know your true wishes will be accomplished and your administrator doesn't wish you an afterlife in Purgatory (or worse)

Dee8go · #52 01-26-2009, 05:01 PM

I could always leave him a dollar just to acknowledge that he's in the will and i didn't just forget about him.

I'm really just being vindictive, of course. I don't think I would actually want to cut him out altogether. It's just fun to think about for the moment . . .

aklim · #53 01-26-2009, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee8go

I could always leave him a dollar just to acknowledge that he's in the will and i didn't just forget about him.

I'm really just being vindictive, of course. I don't think I would actually want to cut him out altogether. It's just fun to think about for the moment . . .

A relative of mine did that to his son. Imagine that guy's shock. Priceless. Night before the reading of the will, he was out partying.

Squabble · #54 01-26-2009, 06:28 PM

Thanks for the advice and info. I originally wrote just because I was in a state of serious introspection and maybe a little regret over the over the top craziness that I was involved in from age 12 to 23, and the fear that I might perpetuate that kind of behavior with possible spawn. I assure you my wife and I are solid and our money situation is well laid out. Being poor helps you learn to budget tightly and love the little things in life without coveting the stuff you don't really need anyway. And she was with me for the last of those years when the lifestyle came to a crashing halt and adulthood hit me hard. We have had long discussions about things we probably won't have until the children are done with high school/college, including the 1970's Alfa Romeo GTV Junior she wants so badly (and I told her we could get it if we didn't have kids

). She plans to finish school and get settled into work before catching preggers, and we've talked about me being a stay at home dad, leading a little to the "will my kids be as rebellious as their father" fears. And I've had my crazy youth time younger than most and adulthood has come to me younger than most people. Bought my first house at age 26, etc., so I'm positive I won't sit around wishing for freedom I've never experienced, because I've had a lot! Either way, I think we're gonna do it, probably soon, and I'm just gonna have to figure it out as we go. Yikes...

t walgamuth · #55 01-26-2009, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee8go

My will, however, names my heirs by the names I gave them. I don't know how changing their names affects that, but I told my lawyer I wanted it to be clear that nobody gets anything unless they have the names as they appear in my will.

Maybe some of you lawyers would comment on how something like that might work.

You gotta try to let that name thing go. Just love him unconditionally and eventually it won't matter. Its even possible he might change it back. But keep after it and it could taint your relationship permanently. Give him a chance to grow up.

John Doe · #56 01-26-2009, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee8go

I could always leave him a dollar just to acknowledge that he's in the will and i didn't just forget about him.

He was alive when you made your will, and you haven't indicated that he is adopted, so he can't use the "Dee8go forgot me" approach

(I know you are kidding, but those are some classic thresholds)

John Doe · #57 01-26-2009, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by t walgamuth

You gotta try to let that name thing go. Just love him unconditionally and eventually it won't matter. Its even possible he might change it back. But keep after it and it could taint your relationship permanently. Give him a chance to grow up.

I don't see where dee8go has done anything to 'taint his relationship' except for merely expressing the fact here to his friends that his feelings were possibly hurt. My dad wouldn't quit talking to me if I dropped his name, but he would have not been as cool headed as dee8 (well, I was born on his birthday and carry his name

). My dad probably would have tied my share up in a trust to pass to my kids....oh wait a mintue

*I think his son is over 25, btw....

Hatterasguy · #58 01-26-2009, 10:07 PM

I can't imagin having kids! Some people I know made a poor choice IMHO and had kids right out of high school.

All the crap I'm putting my parents through!

Maybe I'll get fixed!

John Doe · #59 01-26-2009, 10:31 PM

Second best thing that ever happened to me....