Dude! Sal Dennison! - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

Kuan · #1 08-16-2009, 08:55 PM

Nice!

http://theskunk.org/2009/08/congressman-legalizes-pot-for-himself/

Quote:

Congressman legalizes pot for himself
By Editors, The Skunk • on August 15, 2009 • 3,374 views

WASHINGTON, DC — Congressman Sal Dennison (D-OH) successfully inserted an amendment into a House bill, which would legalize marijuana for his own personal use.

“I thought I’d give it a shot,” said Dennison, referring to how he snuck the one-sentence amendment into a bill on highway funding. “It was more of an experiment, to see if anyone would notice.”

Apparently, no one did.

HR 4885, “The Highway Improvement and Pot Legalization for Representative Dennison Act” passed both houses of Congress and was signed into law by President Obama on Monday. Rep. Dennison is now the only American citizen legally allowed to use marijuana for any purpose, recreational or medicinal.

Congressman Sal Dennison Official Bumper Sticker

Dennison has turned his office on Capitol Hill into a sort of nursery for marijuana plants. Cannabis leaves sprout from every drawer and cabinet. A jar on his desk contains dozens of hand-rolled marijuana cigarettes. He freely admits his addiction to pot smoking and recently told his constituents that he really doesn’t want to do anything else. They responded by donating hundreds of thousands of dollars to his reelection campaign.

“They kinda dig their pot-smokin’ congressman,” said Dennison. “They think it’s cool.”

But fellow members of the House of Representatives have expressed outrage. Speaker Pelosi called Dennison’s act reprehensible. “We tell our constituents that we read every word of every page of the legislation we pass,” she said at a press conference. “Now we have to look them in the eye and tell them that we either thought it was a good idea to legalize pot for Representative Dennison, or that we somehow skimmed over that part.”

The controversy doesn’t seem to bother Dennison. He leaned back and took a drag from a three-inch long joint, slowly letting the smoke linger in his lungs before exhaling.

“I guess my colleagues are kinda pissed at me for pulling a fast one,” he said with a girlish giggle, then tore into a bag of Doritos, sending them flying across the floor.

“But what the ****, I can smoke pot!”

10fords · #2 08-17-2009, 08:58 PM

If this is true than it is a textbook example of why we shouldn't trust our elected representatives to do what we want them to. Their vote is already bought and paid for. They don't need too read anything because their owners have already told them what they think. I love how Pelousy is mad not because there was a mistake made, but because now they might have to answer to those pesky constituents! I think the pot actually cleared Dennisons mind so he could show us how little our so called representatives actually pay attention to how they are running OUR country!

LUVMBDiesels · #3 08-17-2009, 09:13 PM

The best part... 'Speaker Pelosi called Dennison’s act reprehensible. “We tell our constituents that we read every word of every page of the legislation we pass,” she said at a press conference. “Now we have to look them in the eye and tell them that we either thought it was a good idea to legalize pot for Representative Dennison, or that we somehow skimmed over that part.”'

So now she admits that they have been lying when they say the actually READ the bills... amazing how the truth comes out.

Gee, I trust them with Heath care reform, bailing out GM, fixing the financial problems...

Maybe Obama is right and we need to have a Congress that just shuts up and lets him rule by executive order... Can we vote in a dictator for three years like they did in Rome?

Palangi · #4 08-17-2009, 09:26 PM

http://www.house.gov/house/MemberWWW.shtml

Edit: For you wrong wingers out there, the above link brings up a list of congresscritters.

Sal Dennison ain't on the list.

2+2= ?????

Chas H · #5 08-17-2009, 09:40 PM

The Skunk bills itself as "Tasteless American satire for the illinformed".
So far the responses to the OP have been predictable.

RichC · #6 08-17-2009, 11:01 PM

This is going to be a hard one for Speaker Pelosi to explain.

Maybe you right wing guys are correct, those democrats in office are just idiots.

Chas H · #7 08-18-2009, 12:14 AM

There sure was a bunch editing and deletions to this post.
Knees are made to jerk.

cscmc1 · #8 08-18-2009, 12:34 AM

Uh... satire?

Kuan · #9 08-18-2009, 06:15 AM

Guys did you see the link? It was theskunk.org.

davzap · #10 12-12-2009, 06:44 PM

Pot legalization one person at a time. This is a man with vision. I think its just great what he has done. Its a real talking point, eh?

daveuz · #11 12-12-2009, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chas H

There sure was a bunch editing and deletions to this post.
Knees are made to jerk.

Too bad there isn't some device where you could just type in something and find out information about that thing. Really cool if that device fit on your desk.

t walgamuth · #12 12-12-2009, 07:11 PM

LOL.

See, Pelosi really has only one choice. She has to admit that she did not read it. The only real problem is if she actually said she did.

450slcguy · #13 12-12-2009, 07:27 PM

What is it you people don't get?

It's a bogus made up story.

MTUpower · #14 12-12-2009, 08:00 PM

LOOK !!

Booger stem cells show promise
October 26, 2009

SANTA CLARISSA, CA — Researchers at College of the Crevasse have released results to a study suggesting that human boogers may contain stem cells with similar regenerative qualities to those of embryos.

The study was published in the biennial “Journal of Undergraduate Accomplishment,” which hailed the findings as a “breakthrough discovery.”

“The hard, crusty ones show the most promise,” explained Professor Ivan Treskimonauche, head of the science department at the two-year community college. “But results are still coming in on the slimy, sticky ones, and there may be hope for those, too.”

The seven-year study followed a sample of 200 undergraduate students afflicted with Rhinotillexomania, the scientific term for nose-picking. The students were instructed to save their “earnings” in specially coated Petri dishes.

Once in the lab, the boogers were rammed up the rectal cavities of arthritic rats, which immediately began running around their cages “like they were six weeks old, again.”

“Boogers are in abundance in our population,” according to Treskimonauche. “As a species, we produce hundreds of millions of the mucous pebbles every day, which are merely discarded on furniture, bedding, carpets and kitchen counter tops – and in much greater quantities than embryos.”

Treskimonauche contends that if the curative powers of boogers could be harnessed, human life expectancy could be extended indefinitely, asserting that our destiny as a species “lies up our noses.”

“The next time your sinuses are plugged and you feel like your head is about to explode,” he advised, “instead of wishing you were dead, think of the lives you could be saving.”

A spokesperson from conservative organization “Save an Embryo, Kill a Convict” called the research a miracle, claiming that “God has given man boogers for a reason,” and declaring embryonic stem call research a “crack-pot science.”

Treskimonauche remains hopeful about the future of booger stem cell research, and has convinced school administrators to offer courses in the new field.

“From this day forward, when someone declares they received a degree in nose-picking from our fine institution,” lamented Treskimonauche, “they’ll be taken seriously.”

t walgamuth · #15 12-12-2009, 10:18 PM

Well, the pot story may be fake but I definately have run into some folks with masters in booger picking in my day!