I wonder why I can't sleep..... - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

ramonajim · #1 04-13-2010, 12:11 PM

..... I mean really, things should be calm now, right?

In the past week:

We buried Ma.
I found out that I have skin cancer (squamous cell)
My 15 year old son called in tears - f'n f'n ex-wife!
Got a major re-assignment at work
Became even more certain that Ed thinks he has no reason to stick around now that Ma is gone

So for the first time in my life I've strung together 3 nights in a row where sleep wasn't dang near instantaneous as soon as Darling Wife and I are done talking or, uh, erm, ah - whatever at night.

Can we take a vacation from life?

Fulcrum525 · #2 04-13-2010, 12:17 PM

I feel your pain. Bad things always seem to happen in bundles....

http://www.peachparts.com/shopforum/showthread.php?t=237170&page=19
(Post #279)

Thankfully we have people in our lives who make us happy and give us a reason to continue moving forward. In your case look over to the darling wife, stare at her, remind yourself how much you care about her and everything will be alright

Kuan · #3 04-13-2010, 12:34 PM

Tough stretch Jim, take care of yourself and do what makes you thrive. This too shall pass.

Txjake · #4 04-13-2010, 12:37 PM

hang in there

BobK · #5 04-13-2010, 12:48 PM

Vacation from life...no. vacation from some of the stuff you've had to deal with? yes, excellent idea. Why not take that fantastic wife of yours and do a weekend for just the two of you, someplace you have never been before? Complete diversion. And try to only think about one thing on that list at a time.

MS Fowler · #6 04-13-2010, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ramonajim

..... I mean really, things should be calm now, right?

In the past week:

We buried Ma.
I found out that I have skin cancer (squamous cell)
My 15 year old son called in tears - f'n f'n ex-wife!
Got a major re-assignment at work
Became even more certain that Ed thinks he has no reason to stick around now that Ma is gone

So for the first time in my life I've strung together 3 nights in a row where sleep wasn't dang near instantaneous as soon as Darling Wife and I are done talking or, uh, erm, ah - whatever at night.

Can we take a vacation from life?

There used to be a test where you could score your stress level. IIRC, you have hit several of the maximums all at once..Death of a parent, divorce, job change, not to mention anything else.
Realize that you are at a time of maximum stress, and be careful NOT to do anything that might be bad for you.
Might be smart to alert close friends and allow them to help share that stress. This is a time for your friends to hold you close; not a time to avoid them.
The good news is that the stress level simply HAS to go down, soon; it cannot continue to climb.

TnBob · #7 04-13-2010, 01:31 PM

It may sound simplistic but.. literally.. take time to smell the flowers. Not only smell them but take the time to slowly view the entire plant. Do so for several days and you will be amazed at what you see and how you feel.

Cut the bxxxtch loose ! You are not gonna change her, all you can do is change your feelings/reactions to her. At 15 he is capable of living with the parent of his choice too.

The reassignment might have been handed you to help you mentally get buried in something besides grief... ie.. a positive thing.

Skin cancer is very easy to deal with. Take action early.

SwampYankee · #8 04-13-2010, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ramonajim

..... I mean really, things should be calm now, right?

In the past week:

We buried Ma.
I found out that I have skin cancer (squamous cell)
My 15 year old son called in tears - f'n f'n ex-wife!
Got a major re-assignment at work
Became even more certain that Ed thinks he has no reason to stick around now that Ma is gone

So for the first time in my life I've strung together 3 nights in a row where sleep wasn't dang near instantaneous as soon as Darling Wife and I are done talking or, uh, erm, ah - whatever at night.

Can we take a vacation from life?

Man, you are not kidding on the life vacation! Sure seems like the $h!t hits the fan all at once. I've got no sage advice other than to unload on us whenever the feeling strikes. It's amazing how comforting our e-friends can be at times. Sometimes it's easier to type than carry on an actual face-t-face or phone conversation.

Best of luck with your treatment and we're here pulling for you! Continued thoughts and prayers, my friend.

ramonajim · #9 04-13-2010, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MS Fowler

The good news is that the stress level simply HAS to go down, soon; it cannot continue to climb.

If I had a nickel for every time I thought that

!

Thanks all - vent here is exactly what I did. Re-reading my post it sounds darker than I'd intended, and certainly deeper than where I am right now.

I have so much to be thankful for, a wonderful and loving partner certainly high up on that list - without her, no way I'd be handling this (come to think of it, without her, 2 outta 5 items on that list wouldn't be in my world.......

).

Skin divots will be dealt with, and I recognize that more often than not they're not a huge deal (98% cure rate if they're found early enough). Concern is that I've been on immunosupressing drugs for years (icky form of arthritis) and the combo of squamous and these meds can be bad.

The kidlet stuff, not sure how to resolve. His mother (my ex) is a raging a$$hat. First call from kid was "I wanna come live with you" but that softened to "I wanna come spend a couple weeks with you" within a few hours. Would LOVE to bring him east full time - but he's not ready to sign up for that (friends in CA), and his mother would fight it to the death (she'd lose the child support $$$$). Talking to him, talking to his counselors, trying to talk to his mother. We'll see.

Ed - we're trying really hard to get him engaged in something. Today, he called a counselor that he and Ma saw for a while back in Baltimore and Ed told him he'd like to see him again. This is HUGE.

Work thing was more a "seriously? now?" kind of moment this morning. We're ~ 6 weeks away from turning on the new CM in Mexico, and I'm being sucked into the next big thing. Which is what I'm supposed to be here for anyway, and the current project is one I took on the detailed work due to a lack of program managers (I'm usually the one leaning on the detail guys). Right thing for me, right thing for the company, but I was looking forward to copious amounts of tequila when the first box fell of the production line in Guadalajara

.

Mini-vacations are something Darling Wife and I thrive on, they're just usually more micro than mini (drive to Annapolis to see Gogol Bordello. Down to Baltimore to see Irish fiddle players she went to high school with, then on to the best Irish dive bar in the state for yummy foods and more musics. Two dance our bare feets to a pulp shows coming up at Wolftrap - Great Big Sea and Willy Nelson. Go hang out at Joanie's for a couple hours).

Past several weeks, even the micro versions have been hard to come by. Time to kick that train back into gear.

I was just telling Darling Wife last week (week before?) that I never really understood how excited people got about spring (southern CA boy). This year, I got it. The little bit of time we've spent in the garden so far, watching her nurse 500+ seedlings in our office, the red bud and pear and cherry trees all going nuts in the yard - I get it.

MercFan · #10 04-13-2010, 05:37 PM

Sorry about all the trouble weighing you down out there, friend... how about a little exercise to get you tired and in the mood for good Zzzzzzz's...

Whatever sport you like playing, or maybe if health allows simply some bike riding to get the 'pump' going... sometimes that helps me.

Best of luck and stay strong -
James

Skid Row Joe · #11 04-13-2010, 05:57 PM

You've got to hang in there, as another forum member said.......

You've got a good family - and that means everything in this world.

MS Fowler · #12 04-13-2010, 05:59 PM

Seeing you live in MD, my hope is that you would be able to listen to that famous Irish band, " O'Malley's March", full time this fall--meaning that he would not be otherwise employed. ( For non Marylanders, O'Malley is our current Governor--some us would like to see him forcibly retired.

strelnik · #13 04-13-2010, 07:43 PM

Jim,
Sorry about your situation. I have had bad times too and in retrospect, they do go away. It sounds crazy but time heals all wounds.

Taking one day at a time makes it easier.

You still have Darling Wife and can help your son.

Tell Ed how much you would like him to support you for right now. Not a lie, huh? You two could boost each other a bit.

Sit outside at 5:30 am for one minute with a cup of coffee and listen to the birds. You'll want to go back to sleep then

Mistress · #14 04-13-2010, 08:40 PM

I am sorry for your loss and the current state of things at Che Ramonajay and will continue to keep you guys in my thoughts. When it rains it monsoons just know that it will pass. As for sleep it is very important to try and do something to get a decent nights rest. There are over the counter sleep aids that you can take that are safe. PM me if you need someone to go see about the skin cancer.