Airline Gripe sheets - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

Aquaticedge · #1 07-26-2010, 02:07 AM

These are pretty darn amusing..
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

retmil46 · #2 07-26-2010, 02:30 AM

I first read this same article in Readers Digest over 40 years ago!!!

Aquaticedge · #3 07-26-2010, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by retmil46

I first read this same article in Readers Digest over 40 years ago!!!

Dang, I knew this has been around for awhile but wow....

mytmousemalibu · #4 07-26-2010, 02:39 AM

That was pretty funny! Bunch of smart@ss's!

Have a few we use for r/c flyin! Typicaly after a crash.

Hmmm, gravitys awful strong today huh?

The skys not the limit, the ground is!

Hey that cartwheel down the runway with parts slinging off was spectacular!

MTI · #5 07-26-2010, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aquaticedge

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

While Rainman may have popularized that in folklore, the better statement is that they have never had a Fatal Jet Aircraft Accident.

retmil46 · #6 07-26-2010, 02:20 PM

You can tell this article is "ancient" by the one problem listed, "number 3 engine is missing" - as in a gas engine misfiring - as in from the pre-707 era of propeller driven radial engine aircraft.

For that matter, it may be even more ancient than I first supposed. Back in the dim recesses of my memory, I remember perusing a book at one time that was a collection of Reader's Digest "Humor in Uniform" column from back during WWII - and I'd swear there was a version of this same article in there, attributed then to the Army Air Corps, even with "number 3 engine is missing"!!!

The origins of this bit of folklore may be well over 70 years old!

Pavka007 · #7 07-26-2010, 02:31 PM

I don't care how old is this article, it is brilliant and made me cry from laughter