Question for persons knowledgable in Christianity - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

chilcutt · #1 06-09-2012, 01:01 PM

I was recently asked by a freind to consult him in a family matter. I do not have enough knowledge of the Bible to answer him correctly-so will put the issue out here, in hopes that someone can provide some clear answers.

This man's 25 yr old daughter began having illegitimate children about 6 years ago.
When the first one was born, the girl didnt have herself together, so my freind raised the grandaughter till she was 3 yr old. The mother came back and wanted her daughter, so off they went.
All total, the daughter has 4 children, none of the fathers of the children are in the picture.

Problem is, my freind has decided not to recognise any of the grandchildren, and the daughter (who has just enough Bible knowledge)-(my freind has none), is constantly barraging my freind, telling him he is going to hell because he does not have anything to do with his grandchildren.

My questions. Is there anything in the Bible that states a grandparent HAS to be involved in their grandchildrens lives?

Is the daughter committing a sin by quoting the Bible, on a situation I feel my freind is right about?

Feedback is appreciated.

Thanks

Chilcutt

kerry · #2 06-09-2012, 01:27 PM

There is nothing in the Bible which directly addresses a situation like that. There's not even much in the Bible about hell at all. There's a fair amount in the New Testament about family not being important and commitment to God being far more important than family. So, I don't think the daughter can actually be quoting much Scripture on this topic. Christianity is not like Islam so doesn't have a legal/ethical system centered around family relations.
I'd tell your friend that from a Christian perspective there are problem plenty of reasons why he could go to hell, so getting rid of this one won't solve his eternal destiny problems anyway, so forget about it.

chilcutt · #3 06-09-2012, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kerry

There is nothing in the Bible which directly addresses a situation like that. There's not even much in the Bible about hell at all. There's a fair amount in the New Testament about family not being important and commitment to God being far more important than family. So, I don't think the daughter can actually be quoting much Scripture on this topic. Christianity is not like Islam so doesn't have a legal/ethical system centered around family relations.
I'd tell your friend that from a Christian perspective there are problem plenty of reasons why he could go to hell, so getting rid of this one won't solve his eternal destiny problems anyway, so forget about it.

This sounds solid.
I think the daughter is just trying to lay a guilt-trip on her father, and maybee manipulate him into helping out financially.
I do recall something in the Bible stating that, even if a person is committing a sin..it is a bigger sin for another person to tell that person they are committing a sin. I believe it falls under the 'Passing Judgement ' category.

Is there anything to that kerry, or is my mind just too foggy to interpret it correctly?

kerry · #4 06-09-2012, 01:39 PM

Jesus said, Judge not, lest you be judged. He might quote that in return.

chilcutt · #5 06-09-2012, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kerry

Jesus said, Judge not, lest you be judged. He might quote that in return.

This should cool him out. I will pass along this info.
Knowing my freind, he will just go the dis-connect route w/his daughter, and ignore her.

elchivito · #6 06-09-2012, 02:06 PM

A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, but the sinner's wealth is laid up for the righteous.

Proverbs 13:22

Kerry's right. The bible has precious little to say about grandkids. I'd say they're both being foolishly stubborn and less than unselfish. She's looking for support, he's afraid he'll find 4 kids on his doorstep when she runs off with the next loser.

The Clk Man · #7 06-09-2012, 02:10 PM

The Mother and Father are responsible for their children.

kerry · #8 06-09-2012, 02:22 PM

I see the question of what Christianity says, and what your friend should do as entirely different issues. I can't see how specific advice could be offered without knowledge of all the details of the situation.

chilcutt · #9 06-09-2012, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Clk Man

The Mother and Father are responsible for their children.

That's what I thought too. My freind has done his duty, he raised his daughter to a grown age. AND helped out with the grandaughter for three years.

The responsibilty of the grandchildren falls on their parents, in this case, my freinds daughter, and their fathers(wherever they might be).

mgburg · #10 06-09-2012, 02:29 PM

Back in the Old Testament (OT), G destroyed a man man for "spilling his seed" - so I 'm pretty sure that's not going to put any kind fear or responsibility into anyone's hearts in this situation...if that were still going on...this planet would be VERY HEAVILY favoring women over men (or...maybe not)...

If the daughter wants to be quoting scriptures, she should be living the life, or at least, be hanging around others that are better examples than what she's experiencing right now.

With that said, there's a sermon/parable in the New Testament (NT) that has Jesus teaching a lesson and he says something on this order; "Suffer not the littles ones to come onto me or it shall be like a millstone onto you, around your neck, into the lake of fire..." Please, look this one up...I don't want to be quoted exactly on this...I'm sure there's more/less in that than there should be.

The point?

The daughter is out of the father's home...she's made decisions that aren't in agreement with what the father would have wanted or desired of her, particularly in the realm of self-respect and wanton behavior. As the saying goes; "You've made the bed, now lay in it."

He's no where responsible for the G-kids lives as he is for his daughter's life. He should be able to decide to help out where he can, when he can and more importantly, if he can.

What comes to mind is the other Bible quote that most like to use (more inappropriately than not) and it is "Spare the rod and spoil the child." In this case, due to local customs, rules, regulation or idiots w/o kids that pass themselves off as child-rearing 'experts,' the father may not have been able (or was too timid) to "apply" the proper discipline when she was younger. Now, those 'seeds' have sprouted and the daughter is trying to find someone to help out.

I'd say the father should help out where he can afford to, with the kids only, NOT the daughter. By that, I mean buying diapers, food, whatnots for the kids and dropping it off...and by all means, NEVER LEND/HAND HER ANY CASH/CREDIT.

Until she straightens out her life and priorities, handing her cash is just enabling her irresposible behavior even further. Make sure the kids are fed, watered and housed. If/when a BF/Slacker shows up, either the BF/S takes over the respnsibilities or the 'maintenance' has to stop on his part. He's not putting a roof over someone else's kid's head...just his G-kids

Either that, or he's going to be hanging himself with guilt that isn't his to bear.

Hopefully this helps a little...good luck to your friend.

From one w/5 G-kids with a "similar" experience...only the 'she' is a 'he' and a box of rocks gives that kid a run for his money almosy every day...

kerry · #11 06-09-2012, 02:34 PM

Now that's a good one. Referring to 'spare the rod' in regards to Singapore

chilcutt · #12 06-09-2012, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kerry

I see the question of what Christianity says, and what your friend should do as entirely different issues. I can't see how specific advice could be offered without knowledge of all the details of the situation.

Details:
The daughter ran off at age 17, one yr later call my freind and say she is pregnant.
He tell her to come home, they will deal with the situation.
She comes home, has the baby, and runs off again.
He takes care of the baby.She gets pregnant again, he tells her, he is taking care of one of her children, she can stay gone. Dont bother him.
Three years have elapsed, she now has 3 children, and is stable enough(apparently), in that he says ..'OK', when she ask to come get her first daughter.

He goes to work over-seas, during which time he communicates with his daughter, and asks how his granduaghter is, sends her gifts, etc..but does not acknowledge the other 2 grandchildren.
She has yet another child, now totalling 4. He refuses to acknowledge the last three kids she has.

She calls him on it, saying he cannot have communication with her first child, unless he recognises the other 3.
He stale-mates...closes ALL communication.
He goes back to the states, does not make contact.
Duaghter finds out he is back, contacts him, he makes small talk, but does not say anything about any of the children, including the first one that he took care of as a baby.

She has a hissy-fit, and lays the Bible trip on him.

Thats the complete story as he told to me.

chilcutt · #13 06-09-2012, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mgburg

Back in the Old Testament (OT), G destroyed a man man for "spilling his seed" - so I 'm pretty sure that's not going to put any kind fear or responsibility into anyone's hearts in this situation...if that were still going on...this planet would be VERY HEAVILY favoring women over men (or...maybe not)...

If the daughter wants to be quoting scriptures, she should be living the life, or at least, be hanging around others that are better examples than what she's experiencing right now.

With that said, there's a sermon/parable in the New Testament (NT) that has Jesus teaching a lesson and he says something on this order; "Suffer not the littles ones to come onto me or it shall be like a millstone onto you, around your neck, into the lake of fire..." Please, look this one up...I don't want to be quoted exactly on this...I'm sure there's more/less in that than there should be.

The point?

The daughter is out of the father's home...she's made decisions that aren't in agreement with what the father would have wanted or desired of her, particularly in the realm of self-respect and wanton behavior. As the saying goes; "You've made the bed, now lay in it."

He's no where responsible for the G-kids lives as he is for his daughter's life. He should be able to decide to help out where he can, when he can and more importantly, if he can.

What comes to mind is the other Bible quote that most like to use (more inappropriately than not) and it is "Spare the rod and spoil the child." In this case, due to local customs, rules, regulation or idiots w/o kids that pass themselves off as child-rearing 'experts,' the father may not have been able (or was too timid) to "apply" the proper discipline when she was younger. Now, those 'seeds' have sprouted and the daughter is trying to find someone to help out.

I'd say the father should help out where he can afford to, with the kids only, NOT the daughter. By that, I mean buying diapers, food, whatnots for the kids and dropping it off...and by all means, NEVER LEND/HAND HER ANY CASH/CREDIT.

Until she straightens out her life and priorities, handing her cash is just enabling her irresposible behavior even further. Make sure the kids are fed, watered and housed. If/when a BF/Slacker shows up, either the BF/S takes over the respnsibilities or the 'maintenance' has to stop on his part. He's not putting a roof over someone else's kid's head...just his G-kids

Either that, or he's going to be hanging himself with guilt that isn't his to bear.

Hopefully this helps a little...good luck to your friend.

From one w/5 G-kids with a "similar" experience...only the 'she' is a 'he' and a box of rocks gives that kid a run for his money almosy every day...

Good stuff burg...leveled and concise.

Thank you..