For Dads: How to Talk to Your Teenage Daughter About Sex

[Benzasaurus]

So I read this yesterday and thought it might be an interesting resource and talking point on here. I'm thinking of the second letter.

::waits for trolls::

[MS Fowler]

Any resources that can help a dad, especially a single dad, have this talk are good. More and more single parent households, and more single dads raising girls. This is an area that needs as much help as possible.

[Botnst]

I had "the talk" with all 3 daughters. It evolved over time. As they grew in knowledge my answers grew more complex. I never lied. I never misled. I never said, "Go ask your Mom" until after I had given my perspective on whatever question it was. Fortunately I taught Human A & P in a juco for several years so I knew an awful lot about human reproduction from that perspective.

My daughters, all adults now, are more comfortable talking with me about this stuff than I am with them. Frankly, it makes me uncomfortable, but I try to hide it and struggle with honesty and self-composure.

Good luck!

[Botnst]

FYI, our nearby hospital has excellent talks for pre-teens and teens about reproduction, STD's and adolescent psychology. We sent our kids to all of those, too.

[elchivito]

My girls grew up raising livestock. Pairing up large and small animals with their mates in breeding pens, pearl diving for stuck kids and lambs, pulling newborns out of mamas who'd quit and wiping off the goo.
Other than initially viewing sex as rather brutal, there was no big discomfort gap to jump over when the questions started. Like bot said, it wasn't a talk, it was a series of ongoing conversations. They asked their mom for contraception and presumably got it, I stayed out of that part. Most of the advice they sought from me were the "what makes boys tick" sort of questions. Easy ones to answer, they all want in your pants no matter how sensitive they seem to be. They're all giant peckers in street clothes.
Interestingly, neither has children.

[suginami]

Originally Posted by elchivito

.... Easy ones to answer, they all want in your pants no matter how sensitive they seem to be. They're all giant peckers in street clothes.

You nailed this one.....described me exactly in high school and college.....and I was a "good" kid.

[Botnst]

Originally Posted by suginami

You nailed this one.....described me exactly in high school and college.....and I was a "good" kid.

Interesting use of metaphor, Paul.

[suginami]

Originally Posted by Botnst

Interesting use of metaphor, Paul.

touche.

Can't get anyone by you.

[JustPassinThru]

I'm long past my sell-by date and never had children; but, having said that...modern culture doesn't give a kid a chance. If I were to conceive a daughter nowadays in the US of A, I would move onto a biodynamic farm, either homeschool or send the child to a Waldorf school, register to vote Republican, and convert to the sedevacantist Roman Catholic or at least Eastern Orthodox religion. And make sure the girl gets Jeet Kune Do, aikido, and firearms training beginning as early as possible. Also buy her a horse at about the age of two. Also wouldn't hurt to make sure she learns the Spanish (Castilian) and Chinese (Mandarin) languages.

[Air&Road]

One of the advantages to raising kids on the ranch is that you never have to have this conversation in an awkward way. As they see things happen and ask questions it's very easy to explain in a non embarrasing way what is going on at the time.

[davidmash]

Originally Posted by JustPassinThru

I'm long past my sell-by date and never had children; but, having said that...modern culture doesn't give a kid a chance. If I were to conceive a daughter nowadays in the US of A, I would move onto a biodynamic farm, either homeschool or send the child to a Waldorf school, register to vote Republican, and convert to the sedevacantist Roman Catholic or at least Eastern Orthodox religion. And make sure the girl gets Jeet Kune Do, aikido, and firearms training beginning as early as possible. Also buy her a horse at about the age of two. Also wouldn't hurt to make sure she learns the Spanish (Castilian) and Chinese (Mandarin) languages.

????????

[davidmash]

Originally Posted by Air&Road

One of the advantages to raising kids on the ranch is that you never have to have this conversation in an awkward way. As they see things happen and ask questions it's very easy to explain in a non embarrasing way what is going on at the time.

There is no reason that talking about sex or relationships should be embarrassing.

[SwampYankee]

Originally Posted by Benzasaurus

So I read this yesterday and thought it might be an interesting resource and talking point on here. I'm thinking of the second letter.

::waits for trolls::

I missed the "I'm thinking of the second letter." part until I re-read your post.

As the dad to a 12yo girl (in addition to 3 boys aged 6-14), I'm terrified of the "talk" but understand that it needs to happen. I'm thankful that A) school has done the heavy lifting and B) she has shown a willingness to talk to my wife or I when she has questions or concerns about anything. She has spent enough time on a farm to at least be aware of the process from start to finish.

It's been a difficult age for her. She's about a year younger than her friends and most of her classmates but has always been one of the tallest. Borderline tom-boy, loves basketball and 1 Direction. She's a very confident leader on the court but that doesn't carry over to school and personal life despite getting very good grades, being friends with a wide range of kids and sticking up for them should the need arise and, not that it should matter but, she is an attractive girl. Maybe it's self-deprecation? Maybe she's just not comfortable with herself yet?

My wife and I used to wish she would be more concerned with her clothes. Her preferred outfit would be a t-shirt and hoodie and gym shorts or sweatpants, and that's generally what she wears. Everywhere. But after seeing how her fellow 8th graders dress, let's just say I wouldn't exactly be uncomfortable with my college-aged daughter dressing that way, we decided her current attire choice was just fine!

[SwampYankee]

Originally Posted by davidmash

There is no reason that talking about sex or relationships should be embarrassing.

Maybe no good reason...

[Benzasaurus]

Originally Posted by SwampYankee

I missed the "I'm thinking of the second letter." part until I re-read your post.

As the dad to a 12yo girl (in addition to 3 boys aged 6-14), I'm terrified of the "talk" but understand that it needs to happen. I'm thankful that A) school has done the heavy lifting and B) she has shown a willingness to talk to my wife or I when she has questions or concerns about anything. She has spent enough time on a farm to at least be aware of the process from start to finish.

It's been a difficult age for her. She's about a year younger than her friends and most of her classmates but has always been one of the tallest. Borderline tom-boy, loves basketball and 1 Direction. She's a very confident leader on the court but that doesn't carry over to school and personal life despite getting very good grades, being friends with a wide range of kids and sticking up for them should the need arise and, not that it should matter but, she is an attractive girl. Maybe it's self-deprecation? Maybe she's just not comfortable with herself yet?

My wife and I used to wish she would be more concerned with her clothes. Her preferred outfit would be a t-shirt and hoodie and gym shorts or sweatpants, and that's generally what she wears. Everywhere. But after seeing how her fellow 8th graders dress, let's just say I wouldn't exactly be uncomfortable with my college-aged daughter dressing that way, we decided her current attire choice was just fine!

Loads of you guys sound like absolutely awesome dads, first off.

And yeah, SwampYankee, your daughter sounds just like a tomboy who is being attacked by puberty. Plus the way people evaluate her is moving from "she's good at sports" "she's cool" and "she's smart" to "she's pretty". It's kind of a weird transition when your looks start to matter. Some girls are prepared for it their whole lives, and leap into dressing like college age girls. And then there are some who wear sweatshirts and learn how to talk to boys by talking about music, for example. So this stranger on the internet says she'll be fine, if it makes any difference.

I do think that if possible these chats with daughters should be part of a longer process instead of one sit-down. That's how my mum handled it and it kind of meant the lines of communication were always open if I needed them to be. Worked great.

Dads though, even if someone else is handling the science, dads can always talk to their daughters about consent and how if they aren't enthusiastic, no boy is allowed to touch them. And vice versa. Them's the rules. Not even hand holding. I think saying "enthusiastic" is important too, because it makes defining consent a whole lot easier.