Now it all makes sense. "Dodged a septic bullet today' airplane blue ice

The way to never have a septic tank problem is to buy a backhoe.

After you dig up all of the trees that you don't want you will be looking for things to do with your backhoe. After all it is an awsome toy and you'll want to play with it.

Could you ever be so lucky as to have an excuse to dig up your leach field? Hell no, ain't never gonna happen if you own a backhoe.

and once you get good with it, you can open beer cans with the teeth on the bucket. Might wash it first though

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have no worries.....President Obama swears "If you like your gun, you can keep it

Forget the backhoe and beer bottle. Get a high powered modern excavator. Trundle off to your local brewery and open a wall.