Just one of those late night wandering forum comments.

Was going over some work stuff with a guy of Indian decent I've known for a few years and he sort of casually mentioned he was getting married next month. The guy is about as American as they come, and I automatically assumed its this girl he's been dating for the last 8 months. A caucasian girl I've met a few times.

He says no, he broke up with that girl, because he's having a family organized arranged marriage to some chick he interviewed last month when he flew to India. He has absolutely no idea who this girl is, but she's A. Indian, and B. Catholic, which meets his family race and religion acceptance requirements.

He seems totally cool wih this plan. I just can't fathom being in that position. It took me 10 years of dating to find the woman I married. This guy is jumping right in with a perfect stranger, and the possibility of divorce is not an option for him either. He will be a pariah with his family.

It just struck me what a cultural difference this is, especially with this guy being a born and bred American in every other way. Amazing to me that people do this, what a commitment! I hope they like each other, ill probably meet her soon enough. Once they get hitched, she's getting a visa an coming over to the states to live with him.

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I think arranged marriages have a fairly high success rate compared to chosen marriages. I had a long conversation with a Saudi student once who was going home on break to marry a women he hadn't met. He said his mother and aunt had picked her out for him and they knew him as well as anyone so he was confident they were making a good decision. When I was in India a few years ago I looked at the Sunday India Times. There was a large classified insert for marriages. Almost all were based on caste and/or religion. They offered a discount for placing an ad without caste or religious criteria. Arranged marriages are often better for the male than the female. Hirsi Ali's account of her decision to flee an arranged marriage is compelling. The idea of choosing ones spouse is a pretty modern idea. Elites especially use arranged marriages to keep economic dominance. Nothing breaks down social class like free love.

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Just one of those wandering forum late night replies.

That really is quite something. I've never been able to quite comprehend this dynamic of Indian culture. I suppose they would argue that the parties involved are too young to judge wisely. It's especially interesting that he was dating someone. Was he just dating to fill the time, knowing that his parents would be getting him a bride, or was he genuinely looking for a wife and then switch gears when his parents said, "All right, we've got a girl for you..."

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1982 300SD -- 211k, Texas car, tranny issues ____ 1979 240D 4-speed 234k -- turbo and tuned IP, third world taxi hot rod

2 Samuel 12:13: "David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die."

Is that because they are actually better or because they occur in countries where divorce is taboo?

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1982 300SD -- 211k, Texas car, tranny issues ____ 1979 240D 4-speed 234k -- turbo and tuned IP, third world taxi hot rod

2 Samuel 12:13: "David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die."

Turned out that girl he was dating was a placeholder until who he was to marry was decided. From what he said, his family had no idea he was even dating. The guy is late 20s, early 30s

Kinda a blow to the displaced girlfriend I imagine

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Really, I'd be mad.

Unless she knew? Maybe she knew?

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"Senior Luna, your sense of humor is still loco... but we love it, anyway." -rickymay ____ "Your sense of humor is still loco... " -MBeige ____ "Señor Luna, your sense of humor is quite järjetön" -Delibes

1982 300SD -- 211k, Texas car, tranny issues ____ 1979 240D 4-speed 234k -- turbo and tuned IP, third world taxi hot rod

2 Samuel 12:13: "David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die."

My guess would be the woman didn't know. I've known two cases in which Middle Eastern males married US women as second wives. Neither woman knew they were a second wife. One moved to Egypt with her new husband, only to be introduced to his first wife upon arrival. That marriage didn't last.

It's been a while since I read the data but I think arranged marriages carried out in the USA where divorce laws are liberal last longer than chosen marriages. Of course the subculture of arranged marriage likely frowns upon divorce.

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1977 300d 70k--sold 08
1985 300TD 185k+
1984 307d 126k--sold 8/03
1985 409d 65k--sold 06
1984 300SD 315k--daughter's car
1979 300SD 122k--sold 2/11
1999 Fuso FG Expedition Camper
1993 GMC Sierra 6.5 TD 4x4
1982 Bluebird Wanderlodge CAT 3208--Sold 2/13

Its a fascinating practice. I have another friend, this one of Nepali descent, and he went the other route, he secretly married a caucasian in the states, and concealed it from his family for 8 or 9 years, until their pressure to force him to come back to Nepal to choose his bride compelled him to admit he was married.

Ever seen that movie "namesake"? I thought it was excellent, its really true to life for these people half way between cultures, especially for the women. At least for my friends bride to be, she can already speak english and will be able to function around town, but she's leaving her entire family and everything she knows to be with this stranger in another country on the other side of the world. At least we have skype these days.

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I doubt it. I didn't get the impression it was a casual thing, they were definitely a couple

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A girl that my daughter grew up with ended up in an arranged marriage. Her parents are from India and are wonderful people. The girl is very Americanized and smart as can be. She went to medical school and is now an ophthalmologist. The marriage was not until after she finished medical school.

We've lost touch since the marriage, so I really hope it has a good chance to work out.

I see so many non arranged marriages fail, I hope Kerry is right and this one has worked well.

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Annoy a Liberal, Read the Constitution

My grandparents' marriage was arranged by their parents. Didn't use to be a big deal. They were married for 60 some years.

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I had a friend years ago who was a good bit younger than me. He was totally clueless where women were concerned. It was even reflected in his choice of the women he would point out as attractive.

He was approaching 30 so his mother picked out a wife for him from church.

I think arranged marriages are more common here than anyone admits. In the fine US tradition, we pretend.

"Murder or suicide? After the fact is doesn't really matter, either way you're still dead."
-Quote a friend of mine(arranged marriage). Still together after ~30yrs.

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I wish my family had arranged a marriage for me - I doubt very much they could have made a worse choice than I did!

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I'm here to chat about cars and to help others - I'm not here "to always be right" like an internet warrior



Don't leave that there - I'll take it to bits!

I know another guy. Very smart, Ph.D in electrical engineering. US immigrant from Turkey. Flew back there and negotiated a deal for a wife from a rural area of central Turkey. She is now married to him and in the USA. Must be a really bad deal for her. Speaks no English, left all her friends and family and lives in a pretty authoritarian family relationship. Not so bad of a deal for him. The average American women would never have married him given his expectations of a wife, particularly the 'pious Muslim' part.

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1977 300d 70k--sold 08
1985 300TD 185k+
1984 307d 126k--sold 8/03
1985 409d 65k--sold 06
1984 300SD 315k--daughter's car
1979 300SD 122k--sold 2/11
1999 Fuso FG Expedition Camper
1993 GMC Sierra 6.5 TD 4x4
1982 Bluebird Wanderlodge CAT 3208--Sold 2/13