So, if I had to put a number on it, cap and rotor fixed about 60% of the issue. Easy start, no stalling, still running rough.
I pulled the plugs for good measure and found something horrific. Now, I know I had a valve guide seal going bad on cylinder #4 but the oil consumption was negligible. Also, the only noise the car has ever had was a little valve tic, nothing worse than any BMW or Jeep or other I-6 with a flat tappet cam I've owned. If you can't tell in the pic, the ground electrode is 100% compacted against the center electrode.
I cleaned up the plug and gap'd it to spec and the car runs great. Yeah, I have no idea either.