Sorry about the length and complete lack of pictures. I didn't know anyone needed this until after I was done.

I'm here to answer questions, but attest that this was a lot of trial-and-error.

This fix was needed due to the dreaded stuck ignition key. Much searching on the Haynes manual and the Internets had revealed that if my key couldn’t move, I was in for a lot of pain. I jiggled, I wiggled, I sprayed graphite and Kroil and WD-40, I tried various power told-based vibratory devices. Nothing would move the key. So I resulted to more aggressive solutions. First off, know that my key could be inserted and removed easily. When I turned very aggressively, I could see a very faint wiggle in the steering wheel, and would see the lock shift when I cranked on the wheel as well. I dreaded that the column lock was engaged, but more on that later. After looking around, I decided that my best bet would be to order a new cylinder from my dealer. I had to go in personally and show my registration and license, but it was much cheaper than I thought ($40 US). 2 days later I had it, and examining the new one made a lot of this easier to visualize.

Briefly, the lock mechanism in these MBs consists of the cylinder itself and a black sleeve that secures it to the column assembly (see attached pic).

This sleeve is supposed to be easily removed via a home-made wire tool when the cylinder is rotated into the proper position. This can happen because there are two channels in the sleeve at roughly 2:00 and 8:00 along its outside that lead to the clips holding it in place (the former is conveniently marked on the front collar of the sleeve by a divot). If you look straight at the ignition, you can see in the silver facing of the lock two shallow holes at roughly 11:00 and 5:00. These rotate with the cylinder, and line up when the key is turned to position 1, the “on” position when you start your car. Ideally, position 1 exposes the front of the channels, which allow access of the tool. Of course, if the key won’t turn, the channels can’t be accessed, so the sleeve won’t budge.
The smooth silver front piece of the lock cylinder (which I call the “hat” because of its resemblance to one) and the sleeve are made out of what I believe to be the same thing Superman’s cape is, and are specifically constructed to stop people from doing this. So good luck. The procedure I followed may not be the only or best way to do this, but it did work for me. It was a process-of-elimination thing, and so you may be able to get away with just a fraction of what I did.

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