Funny story I'd like some input on.

Jane is an early 30's independent girl (job, own place, etc.). She hasn't been in any real relationships (under 6 months). She enjoys spending time with her friends, but relationships with the opposite sex just never seem to work out.

Joe is also an early 30's independent guy (job, own place, etc.). He's been in several long-term (serious) relationships. Enjoys spending time with friends, etc.

Question:

Selfish v. Use to doing things for "me".

Jane seems to do things that are good for Jane.

An example:

You're reaching for something while holding something. Everyone has done it. You yell into the other room, "Jane I'm in a bind, can you can here for a sec." -- 5 minutes later Jane comes in room (ok, maybe 2 minutes, but not right then and there) and asks what is needed. You say, "Never mind I took care of it." -- Turns out she was folding her laundry, and wanted to finish it before coming in to see what you needed. (You are over her place helping her do something that she needs done.) This is a petty example, but I'm trying to paint a picture here of Jane. Jane seems *very* self absorbed to me from everything I have seen and heard. Jane does what is good for Jane. Joe can wait, it would seem.

Question:

Is Jane simply not use to thinking beyond her or is she what some would consider a selfish person?

Question:

How would you deal with that?

Thanks!

Hmmm... wonder why?

__________________
1992 300D 2.5T
1980 Euro 300D (sadly, sold)
1998 Jetta TDI, 132K "Rudy"
1974 Triumph TR6
1999 Saab 9-5 wagon (wife's)

You can change a person's habits, BUT YOU CAN NEVER change a person's nature. She is just narcissistic. No cure for that.

Question is ...Why do you want to be with this person ?
You know what you need to do..........you looking for reinforcement?


.

__________________
[http://languageandgrammar.com/2008/01/14/youve-got-problems-not-issues/ ]

"A liberal is someone who feels they owe a great debt to their fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money."

NPD (Narssasistic Personality Disorder) (Spelling?) is said to be VERY rare in females. At least that's what the Dr's say.

Could it not be argued that Joe is too demanding?

How do you bring something like this up?

I understand that the "right" way to "communicate" these days with the opposite sex is to say, "When you do ___________________ I feel _______________________.

Perhaps men in the past simply didn't want to deal with it and launched her? (That would be my guess.)

What do you think?

You would have to ask "Joe" that. Jane has some very positive attributes... this is just one of the negatives. You could say that Joe may want to find out if Jane simply doesn't realize that she is being selfish at times and that the world does reach beyond her own needs and schedule.

Relationships,particularly long-term ones such as marriage require the ability to put your own desires and pleasures on hold for the nonce,remember, pride and self-interest have no place in a relationship of any depth,you must sacrifice your own feeble and changeable wants for those of your spouse and family,if the lord favors you with one.

The sacrifices may seem silly but the rewards are greater over the long haul.

15 years may appear to be a long time,but really the years pass so quickly that I am astonished at it.
My wife has her interests,some of which coincide with mine,I have my own passion with old cars,fortunately my wife does not view this as competing for attention,of which she gets a great deal for putting up with a fool like me.
Perhaps it is because modern society is still obscessed with personal gratification and instant happiness that some couples have the most childish and unrealistic expectations of their partners,just my tuppenceworth.........

__________________

The most important question is unaddressed and unasked. For what reason do these questions and answers matter to you? If you can clearly articulate a reason why they are important you will probably gain insight as to what the patterns mean to you.

I believe we can determine this from the initial query..................such things are generally of little depth............

__________________

Take a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle. Write down all the positives on one side of the paper and all the negatives on the other side of the paper. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Now, assign values to each of the characteristics and total them up. There you have your answer.

__________________
01 Ford Excursion Powerstroke
99 E300 Turbodiesel
91 Vette with 383 motor
05 Polaris Sportsman 800 EFI
06 Polaris Sportsman 500 EFI
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Red
03 SeaDoo GTX SC Yellow
04 Tailgator 21 ft Toy Hauler
11 Harley Davidson 883 SuperLow

I forgot all about that! Yes! I'll recommend that to Joe.

(I think we're both stats. guys!)

First off, being self-centered is not a disorder...it's a characteristic.

Secondly, it's the WOMEN who most desire forming a lasting monogamous relationship...with that comes the desire to be an asset to the significant other.

The scenario painted in this thread is far too superficial to judge the fortitude of a relationship, but I work with an attractive independent 30-ish coworker who seems to fit Jane's profile. She too can't seem to cultivate any sort of lasting relationship...

__________________
2009 ML350 (106K) - Family vehicle
2001 CLK430 Cabriolet (80K) - Wife's car
2005 BMW 645CI (138K) - My daily driver
2016 Mustang (32K) - Daughter's car

Perhaps "Joe" should have stated that he was in need of assistance rather than just asking that "Jane" come over for a sec. If it were known that help was needed maybe she would have dropped what she was doing and assisted.

Sounds more like a communication error than anything else.

__________________
Mike Tangas
'73 280SEL 4.5 (9/72)- RIP
Only 8,173 units built from 5/71 thru 11/72

'02 CLK320 Cabriolet - wifey's mid-life crisis

2012 VW Jetta Sportwagon TDI...at least its a diesel

Non illegitemae carborundum.

Sounds more like Jane needs a tap with a clue bat. If she was truly involved with Joe and cared about him, she'd come over without having "I need help" spelled out for her. Women are always trumpeting that emotions are important to them. Didn't she "read" that he needed help, from the tone of his voice? Yet she'd probably expect him to "read" her tone when she was upset, wouldn't she? (I know her type -- was married to one, in fact.)

If she won't make any effort at relationships why should a guy make any effort with her?

__________________
* *
-- Paul W. (The Benzadmiral)
('03 Buick Park Avenue, charcoal/cream)
Formerly:
'97 C230, smoke silver/parchment; '86 420SEL, anthracite/light grey; '84 280CE (W123), dark blue/palomino

One term here above all others...Communication.

Nobody outside of the two of you (jane/joe) here will know or understand all the nuances involved. Think about what you want to convey and what your real issues are ahead of time then talk to her very openly and honestly. Get feedback from her.

If she doesn't want to communicate back, you feel you can't talk to her that openly, or she can't take it seriously then you have your answer.

Don't come to any hasty decisions until you go through that step.

Hope this helps...