New disease discovered

[kerry]

ATLANTA. The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of (a)Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him." Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years. Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include:

- antisocial personality disorders
- delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones
- extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information
- pronounced xenophobia and paranoia
- inability to accept responsibility for own actions
- cowardice masked by misplaced bravado
- uncontrolled facial smirking
- ignorance of geography and history
- tendencies towards evangelical theocracy
- categorical all-or-nothing behavior.

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.