Anyone else dealing with a breakup?
 

It's hitting me hard.



I've loved her for the past two years. I've done everything for her. She just came clean last night - she's "given please" to another man.

I'm trying to fathom how someone can be so heartless. She even said she'd thought about it before doing it, and how it would effect us.

I kicked her to the curb. She still wants to be friends, but I dont think I can ever forgive her...

She is human, just like the rest of us, and people are naturally not monogamous. What keeps us monogamous is our inhibitions. If she was so consciously willing to do it then its very likely she would have done it to you again (If this was the first time) and will probably do it to her next partner.

"Friends" is just another way for her to get what she wants.

EDIT: Or....it could be one way of her saying she wants a three-way....

I wouldn't forgive her. Just be friends with benefits and boink her till something better comes along then kick her to the curb again.

I'd kick her to the curb and move on; that's the wrong chick.

Dealing with a breakup? Heck no! Married for nine years and still loving it; being single sucked.

Sorry to hear that, man. I haven't dealt with a breakup in almost 17 years but I know it sucked.

Cut the ties and move on.

Time to move on.........good riddance.

It's good that she told you, and you didn't find out in some other, possibly gross, way.

sux
 

If she did it to you one time she could do it to you ALL the time.


She's not worth the price of admission.




NEXT!!!:D

I'm lucky as well - met a fantastic woman early on and have been with her for 16 years now, married for the past 5.

All I can say is - life is far too short to suffer it with the wrong partner. There are incredible people out there - you just need to find the right one. Hang in there. What you did took guts, and you'll look back on it with a smile in a year's time I would wager...

Wanting to remain friends is simply her way of attempting to shed the guilt caused by her transgressions. She gets to move on with a clear conscience, knowing you have forgiven her (as a result of you keeping the friendship intact).

Meanwhile you are left hurt and disillusioned.

Don't let her make you the doormat. Dumping her immediately was the right thing to do.

Some folks may be able to accept the love lost and move on. I don't believe anyone who has ever been in love can get past a two-year relationship without remorse...we're talking about a person, not a used appliance!

Do whatever you have to while you grieve...Grieving is healthy. Take whatever time you need, then engage in whatever favorite activity that gives you pleasure. But don't look for another companion until you have gotten over this one...women these days are pretty much looking for someone with their heart intact, and they aren't interested in a man who is still pining over a previous lover...

Like I said before, why not keep her around and boink her till something comes along. Hell, he can even pretend to forgive her and what not. Buy him some time and get laid in the process.

Burning heart
 

If you lost her,it means you never had her in the first place. The best way to deal with someone like that is to ,not miss a beat,do not let her know you are hurt, by doing that she will think that you did not give a sh$t about her . Trust me ,that will bust her bubble. Move on Brother!

Exactly. The quickest way to forget about her is to find another woman. It stings, it hurts. Don't brood over it.

Probably from before your time.

Dont talk of love,
But Ive heard the words before;
Its sleeping in my memory.
I wont disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
....And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries

Paul Simon/Art Garfunkle

Sorry to hear your two years are down the tube. That's a lot of emotion invested. My son had his GF of five years leave him about 7 months ago. they had lived together for at least two years. he hurt pretty bad for about 6 months. then he met a new girl at a party a month ago. Its a commuter (180 miles) romance, but they see each other 1-2 times a week. He just met her family this weekend. Take time to heal and keep your eyes open for a nice new friend.

Jim, you have done well and your advice is right on. But, even a rock feels pain and islands do cry.

I like what G-Benz wrote regarding wanting to be "friends." That is just her way of clearing her conscience of any past guilt. It is a game we all play.

Grieve and cry if you must (tears have a great cathartic effect). Then move on. Life is too short to waste on "what might have beens" or "what could've beens."

Get yourself a nice pair of Manolo high heels and a tub of chocolate ice cream...oh wait, you are the guy, sorry. In that case go buy something for your car and get some new tools for yourself. :D

X2, well said.

Some guys enjoy that sort of thing. :D:D

I've kicked her to the curb. No friendships, no bull****.


Friends would never think of doing this sort of thing. I was a devoted person. I've made plenty of personal sacrifices for her, and this is what she does.

I feel sorry for her 300d, which is going to go the way her caviler went (more rust then steel) really quick without the attention it needs.




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I've been biking like mad the past few days. I've put 30miles on the odo in 2 days, possibly 15 more today (for a big guy, that's pretty far) Seeing as I'm gonna have to get back in the game again, this is good.




(And I'm not gonna keep her around as a friend with privileges because: - I dont know where it's been now, and the fact that it wasnt all to great to begin with.)

Sorry, but that song has stuck in my brain since it came out. I sort of acted that way a lot in relationships when younger. Seldom opened up much to women. You live you learn. All relationships end except the last one.:(
I've had my ups and downs in relationships.:rolleyes::D:D
..and one that left a lasting scar.

July 31st...51st birthday...
August 1st...0925...officially "un-married"...24 years, down the toilet...

Problem...4 grandsons...

Solution...stay an arm's length from the "ex" (because you'll never know if "someone else" was dipping a wick in the well) and you'll be all the better for it...

I'm dreading the day she'll call and say, "You know so-and-so? Well, he had [insert some disease-du-jour here] and now I have it!

I'll suddenly become OCD-Handwashing-Guy, but I know I won't have to take a bar of Lava-Soap to my "wand" and scrub the first 5-layers off of it to hope I didn't get someone else's STD on/in me.

I can't stand having the doctor do a "digital" on me - and I want to take a chance on becoming an STD-model on some page in some medical magazine?

GEESSSSE!

Get someone else and wait until you both come up clean...then stick to each other and no one else.

Will it stay that way?

You can hope, but as in retail, there's never a lock-tight guarantee on anything...

I'm hoping I'm clean...not that she cheated before the separation (I'm hoping) but I haven't increased my scratching down there anymore than what I was doing since day 1... :o :D

BTW, riding that bike harder and mashing down on that gland-thing might take some of the zing out of the ol' libido...go with it...like you said...getting back into the game is all about looks and stamina... :D

Find a better woman! I should know, I have been married three times.
The wife I am married to NOW is by far the best woman I have ever known. We both got our Masters Degree's together, at the same time!
We work for the same company!:D

I'm glad I divorced my first two wives. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have met perfect wife #3.

You have yet to meet your "perfect" match. Get going...:)

I knew it....

So what you are saying is that practice makes perfect??? :D:eek::D

OP:

You need to hit the 8 mile rd. establishments! Start at Trumps or the Penthouse and work your way down to Players! Sometimes fun is the answer, but almost all of the time BOOBS are the answer. If that doesn't cheer you up then do whatever puts you in a good mood.

As for her tramping around, I feel bad she did that to you. Look at it from this perspective at least you weren't married to her! I hope she wasn't cheating on you with someone you know.

Keep your head up, you will be alright.

enough sluts cruising gratiot every weekend, should be easy.
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She dropped the car off (she was driving my 380 while I fixed up her 300) We had the final talk, and we were mature about it.

"Your going to find a girl that loves you as much as you love her" "You find somebody you can love with the full of your heart"

I really hope she learns from what she did, and never does this to her next.


"someday 10 years from now we'll bump into eachother and joke about this" "I hope"

"This is goodbye"
"bye"
-click-

Oh, and I turn 21 in exactly 3 weeks.


November 1st would have been our two-year.



I'm picky. She was the first women mature enough that I though I could make long-term plans for. She was my first. I took her places she's never been, gave her pleasure she's never felt (her prior boys seemed to lack all skill in the bed)


I hope my next will be the same, just with more mental strength and integrity. Her parents divorced at a young age, which I think is why she's such an individualist, and how she could never give herself to someone 100%



I'm gonna have a couple of beers and play some music. My friends and family have been most supportive. I feel no remorse for what I did, but I do miss her and I dont know what to do with all the extra time. It'll work out; it always does.

You could do what my buddy is currantly doing...go have sex with all of her friends.:D

Than go and have sex with all your friends, girlfriend's, friends! Pisses them off like crazy! My buddy is doing it and he is getting some good icy stares.:D They are still dropping like fly's though.

Not to draw attention to my story but it might help you get through yours.
Several years ago (1987 that is) I had a live-in two year relationship. She had lost her job and gone back to school and I was supporting us. I left for a month long hunting/fishing trip to Alaska with my Dad (a trip that had been planned for a couple years) and while I was gone she had a dude staying at my house. I came home a couple of days earlier than planned and while I was at home, in they walked! She: "What are you doing here?!" Me: "I live here, what are YOU doing here?"
I gave her three days to get her stuff out (she didn't even come to pack it or move it) and I have talked to her exactly once since and that by accident. I knew beyond doubt that I was doing the right thing and what she did just took me to the tipping point. That's probably why I had total peace of mind about the situation and have never felt bad about it.
It sounds like you reached your tipping point and aren't about to turn back. Good! The little voice in your (big) head is seldom wrong. You'll be fine and one day you'll grin at the thought. Just don't call, text, write, visit or anything else (and don't answer her if she does) and it will go much better.
Sorry for the novella.

Glad to hear you were able to get rid of her, before you had much more "invested" in that relationship. Yes, 2 years is a long time, but, compared to others with bad relationships that have gone one for years and years, those two years are not so bad. Besides, I am sure you did have some happy times during those two years, so they weren't completely wasted.

btw...instead of 8 Mile, why not go to the Windsor Ballet?

LD would that be "The Million Dollar Saloon" show at the windsor ballet?
I might have to clarify when I suggested 8 mile establishments I meant the gentlemens clubs, not the worlds oldest profession.

Well, last time I was there, sometime in the mid 80's, it was called the Cheetah Club. They had a glass enclosed shower on the stage - working the crowd into a lather.

LD
yup thats the Million Dollar Salloon alright

still there.


I'm not going to turn into the sorry men I work with. Time and money will be invested in much more long-term projects (aka, my rabbit.)


Just to clarify, she did not have sex. She went out for training in MN (she's a flight attendant now) and it happened when she came back. She thought about breaking up with me then, and did something I didnt think she was capable of - giving another man (I'll call it random, as there was no time for dating) oral. This was a month ago. no further details.

I Think it's just hitting me.

Just last week we fell asleep in each others arms, completely careless about the world. I really don't know if I could ever find someone like her, and I'm afraid If I try to, I'll just be comparing everything to her.

As much as I want her back, I don't think I'll ever be capable of. I'm a spiritual person; I've already forgiven her for whats she's done, as it's the only way to pass this on. I was completely willing to make this work, up until she finally told me. I believe any relationship has the ability to work out, both party's have to be willing to sacrifice and work through the hard times.

People do mess up. I'm almost willing to give her a chance (yes, we were that close...)

Well I hope you get through it Monomer. She is wrong for betraying your trust and your love. Getting back together with her would be a huge mistake. Don't make the mistake of comparing ex girlfriend to any new girlfriend you may meet. That would not be fair to the new GF, don't start dating until you are ready!

I hope to bump this thread years from now and still be with her.

Compare post 18 to post 35. Hmmmm.... You are in a tough spot. The others here have given you some good advice and the years of their experience. It is tough being so young. I remember being 21, I think...

I can't tell you what to do, to do this or that, or not this or that. But just remember to respect yourself. That is about the only sure advice I can give you that is guaranteed. That is your yard stick, are you respecting youself and are others (and her) respecting you. That is about all you have. I won't tell you the answer to this question. Some people are better able to sense when things feel "right" or "wrong". Some people are not so good at it. Consider that she may be a sign on the "broken road" leading you to the right person out there for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA9gpN-OWEs&feature=related
Yes, country music has an answer...

Shes done it again.


well, she had "feelings" for someone else (read: crush)



She has problems at home also. her parents are divorced (when she was young) Her father started going out with other women, and she decided that was wrong of him (when he brought up marrying one of them, she said she'd she would basically disown him) so her parents decided to date again - soon after he got her job she found out he's been talking to other women. She's torn and dosnt want to confront him about it.

She feels like she has no home, between the two parents houses she usually finds herself sleeping on the couch. I would have loved to move in with her, but I cannot afford to leave my parents house here (cool parents, more $$ for car parts) and I plan on going to college - the state gives grants away for people over 24 and living at home (business school for next to nothing)



I feel I dont deserve this at all. She has problems at home that seem far more important than me. I feel some time apart would be better for the both of us.



I dont think a couple of weeks will do. I'm almost wishing I met her at a later time in my life. I dont think I could lose her for a few years while we both get our acts together and then come back together.


I just dont know what to do with myself, although I'm carring myself well currently.






(Cliff Notes: devoriced parents **** with kids head, broke kid exploiting a loophole for school, IE doesnt have spell-check on this machine. That is all)

Well, there must be something somewhere
That makes me want to hurt myself inside

-john prine "there she goes"

It's worse than that. These kinds of chicks want to be friends because they aren't done f**king you over yet and want to make sure they were so good you can't get over them for a long time. All the while keeping you around in case the new guy or single life goes sour. You're the back up plan.

I'm sorry for your troubles, that's all I can say.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Like tank said, you're plan B. Dump her and move on. Stay friends if you want, but don't sleep with her, or she'll sucker you in again. Time to think with the big head.

She DID drop the "Can we just be friends" line about 2 weeks ago.


I knew it was over as soon as she said it.


She's flying right now and has been sending me texts every few days. I dont respond. Why waste more of my time?




-being the nice guy sucks

Very sorry to hear about this. She is the wrong person for you. Once a cheater always a cheater. Am I dealing with a breakup? No. But I have a 13 year old and a 20 year old and they deal with this stuff all the time. Seems like every other week its someone new. You made the right choice of getting rid of her. As far as being friends. Forget about that. If she hurt while in a relationship she will hurt you while "Just friends" as well. I would move but if you do ever see her in person just try to be nice and forget about what happined. Best of luck.

Dude WTF man. You're young. Once you get p*ssy from some other girl you'll forget about this one in no time.

yup


Finding one around here that's not a psychoHoseBeast can be a problem, esp. one that's a good person (and cute...)


I'm gonna take a few weeks to myself. Lose some weight, work out more. More time for reading books now also (books on money lately.) Maybe I'll even pick up the bass guitar again - my friend has been wanting to jam. (who knows, chicks dig musicians :D )

Couldn't agree more!! Though I've only been married coming up on two years....

As I have always been trying to tell people like you, wait for Ms Right but have fun with Ms Wrong while waiting.

Forget the girl. Don't look back. Nothing there.

Also, imho.
Forget Detroit. Don't look back. Nothing there.

I happen to love this city (I live in macomb county actually...) As soon as I get my current debt taken care of, I plan on buying houses, as they're really cheap around here. The real-estate market is calling me....

Besides, Detroit's got to much a music heritage to leave.







Got a gig this weekend, and I've been talking to a lot more girls. Aint nothing gonna break my stride.