How many of you have these tools? - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

jplinville · #1 04-17-2009, 11:49 AM

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your
beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had
carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned
calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh -- '

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes
until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up
jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle.
It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more
you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If
nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding
heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you
have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the
bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut
good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash
can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for
opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but
can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert
common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you
needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as
a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object
we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such
as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines,
refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work
clothes, but only while in use.

DAMM-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while
yelling 'DAMM-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next
tool that you will need.

#2 04-17-2009, 11:51 AM

I love this one its all pretty true

X infinity on the wire wheel!!!

jplinville · #3 04-17-2009, 11:52 AM

I own a nice collection of Damm-It tools. They are VERY handy!

#4 04-17-2009, 11:55 AM

My hammer is very good at finding the most expensive part!!!

raymr · #5 04-17-2009, 12:23 PM

#1 especially so when drilling a brass piece with a not-so-sharp bit. Ouch!!

cmac2012 · #6 04-17-2009, 04:32 PM

Hey! I resemble those remarks!

I like the belt sander bit especially. Exercise much care with a belt sander, grasshopper, much care.

MTI · #7 04-17-2009, 05:25 PM

If memory serves . . . this is about the seventh or so posting of this "old saw".

Back to the Future

jplinville · #8 04-17-2009, 05:28 PM

If it's a re-post, I'll stick my head in the sand and wait for the kicking to begin.

MTI · #9 04-17-2009, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jplinville

If it's a re-post, I'll stick my head in the sand and wait for the kicking to begin.

Don't worry, between the early onset alzheimers and short attention spans here . . . what were we talking about?

panZZer · #10 04-17-2009, 06:13 PM

Yep I want me a big ole Grob or Doo-all metal band saw with the blade annealer, a real drill press, a real--(bigger than) 110 welder, a capable air compresser, and a blasting cabnet made of two refrigerator shells screwed togeather.

jplinville · #11 04-17-2009, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by panZZer

Yep I want me a big ole Grob or Doo-all metal band saw with the blade annealer, a real drill press, a real--(bigger than) 110 welder, a capable air compresser, and a blasting cabnet made of two refrigerator shells screwed togeather.

I have a Do-All, a Buffalo drill press, a Bridgeport with ProtoTrak retrofit, a 50-gal continuous duty compressor, a Leblonde lathe, a Reid surface grinder, and many other goodies in my garage in Ohio. When the economy snaps back, I'm moving them all to Utah and setting up shop in my garage here and will be back in business!

LUVMBDiesels · #12 04-17-2009, 07:52 PM

I have them all but the band saw... That one is for removing fingers!

tankdriver · #13 04-17-2009, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jplinville

I have a Do-All, a Buffalo drill press, a Bridgeport with ProtoTrak retrofit, a 50-gal continuous duty compressor, a Leblonde lathe, a Reid surface grinder, and many other goodies in my garage in Ohio. When the economy snaps back, I'm moving them all to Utah and setting up shop in my garage here and will be back in business!

It's a good thing you weren't more specific than Ohio, or you might've found a few drops of my blood on your tools.