Many months back--perhaps going back to a year--I posted a thread about having a work crush on a superior. She's the department head and at one time was my temporary supervisor when mine retired. Anyway, I thought it was just a passing crush but I still have it! In fact, it doesn't seem to be waning but only getting more *ahem* bothersome. I know it's silly, juvenile, and oh so hopeless. Did I also mention that she's maybe 15 years older? I admit, I have a thing for older women, but I think this little crush has something more than that. I can't really pinpoint it and don't know how or when it came about.

Recently I sent her an e-mail asking about a book she had mentioned to me. That sort of re-opened another dialogue via e-mail. I don't know if I should have been surprised or not, but she replied back a few times in depth and not just with a quick response to my queries.

Sometimes I feel she senses that I may have a thing for her (and if so, probably finds it "cute"). I don't know. I've sometimes deluded myself with the idea that she may even like me and possibly feel the same way as I do, but because of her position can't really let her feelings known. Sometimes I just want to profess my love to her. I know, I'm being so pathetic and juvenile.

I used to be able to talk to her easily, but now I feel short of breath whenever I talk to her, so I sometimes will avoid her.

Well, to get to the point, I'm still madly in love with her even though I know it's hopeless (and perhaps wrong) for so many reasons. The other day I decided that I want to send her flowers. No, not roses, but something more casual, like a sunflower mix in a vase. I want to keep any signs of romance out and keep the message short. In some way, I sort of want to know if she can guess it came from me. (I know, I'm asking for it!)

So is this even a good idea? I already expect the work/pleasure lecture, so I hope to get some encouragement to do this What should I write on the card? What sort of flowers?

Btw, I have to get back to her on a recipe that she gave me.