Abusive verbal behavior (cont. of spanking thread)

[G-Benz]

Last Saturday, my daughter's soccer team played against a team with a soccer coach well known for his boisterous coaching antics...he continually barks orders at his players in an abusive tone and during tense situations literally screams at them.

My daughters' team was behind 0-2 in the first half so he kept his voice down to a loud bellow, but as the second half progressed, they came back and tied it up 2-2 with minutes remaining.

By this time, the opposing team's coach was livid because my daughter's team had possession of the ball throughout most of the half, and he just started screaming at his players!

I got tired of it and from the bleachers, mocked his tone and volume, only I mumbled gibberish, in order to display how ridiculous he sounded out there. This drew laughs from the parents of our team, but apparently wasn't taken very well by the opposing team (especially the coach). He did shut up during the rest of the game.

The game ended 2-2, and the coach approached me and said if I cared to discuss my problem with him, to meet him at the sidelines. I wasn't about to recind on that offer

He asked me "Have you ever coached a soccer team?"

I said "Yes...and it doesn't require yelling at 9-year old girls to do so". In fact, you are the ONLY coach in this league who yells at his team like that".

He said, "I don't think you realize that your little mockery made you look like an ass"

I said, "I don't think you realize that your yelling makes you look like that every Saturday in front of parents of every opposing team you play."

I continued. "In fact, if you have no qualms about the way you choose to yell at your players, you wouldn't have quit yelling after I pulled that stunt!"

By this time, parents started to come over to the dispute, especially my wife, who feared for my safety (the coach is larger than I am).

One parent of the opposing team stated "Hey, we support our coach".

I wanted to say, "It's commendable of you that you find it appropriate to let another adult scream at your 9-year old daughter at a sporting event that is supposed to be fun", but I never got to say that. It was obvious that all involved were going to agree to disagree, so we shook hands and went our separate ways.

I voice my opinions better in writing than speech, and I kicked myself for not having better comebacks to his defense.

Still, the fact is if that coach was any of those kids teacher in school, NONE of those parents would have tolerated that kind of yelling and probably would have had him fired! But in the name of sports, they have no problem sending their daughters' the message that screaming orders is a good motivational tool!

One reason my daughter has played on the same team since she was 4 is because the coach doesn't yell at his players. This is not World Cup Soccer, there are no millions of $$ in revenue at stake, this is a city league for Pete's sake!!!

I'm not sure that the coach realizes that ALL of the parents that have kids in the league know his team not for the skillful play of the girls (which they have), but for the "screaming coach".

At the time, probably against better judgement, I chose to make light of it.

I may not have handled the situation in the best way, but I was pretty fed up with hearing his abusive yelling throughout the game. It probably got me thinking about the spanking thread, and about the fact that excessive verbal abuse is just as destructive as excessive physical abuse!

Anyway, I just wanted to vent. Gotta drive down to attend my grandfather's funeral for a few days, so I won't be on this board for awhile...

[Kuan]

Unfortunately some coaches think Girls U9 soccer is life. Encouragement is good, instruction is good, cheering is good, anger is never positive. My team has come back year after year, they're U15 now, I've been coaching them since they were U13. Watch what happens when all his girls quit.

Sorry to hear about your Grandfather. Drive safe.

[anthonyb]

Originally posted by G-Benz
One parent of the opposing team stated "Hey, we support our coach".

I wonder about these people too. It's one thing to want your children to be successful. It's another thing to gauge the value of your children by their success or failure in something like this.

Also sorry to hear about your grandfather.

[sohj]

You ever wonder how "sportsmanship" left "sports"?

Me too. I mean, it is at least an ideal to strive for.



Sorry to hear about your Grandfather. Take care of yourself.

[The Warden]

Originally posted by sohj
You ever wonder how "sportsmanship" left "sports"?

I have to agree with that one. Look at the sports "heroes" of today. Seems to me that very few of them show sportsmanship.

One of the more depressing days of my life was when my old Scout crew did something very unsportsman-like at one of their annual competitions...and the other adult leaders agreed with them! That's one of the biggest reasons I "defected" to another unit...keep in mind that I grew up as a part of the "old" crew...

[Kestas]

He probably expected you to back down after his offer to meet later. He didn't have much to say. I'm glad to hear you stood your ground. It helps to have the power of conviction knowing that you were right and handled it the best way anybody can.

[G-Benz]

Thanks guys.

I really wondered if my "stunt" emphasized a point, or was just something that made me look like an idiot.

Anyway, indoor soccer season has also begun, and now I get to experience the yelling parents in this league...

Thanks for the condolences...will probably open up another thread about that situation...namely "distant" family relatives and what they seem to feel entitled to...