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  #1  
Old 11-17-2003, 09:40 PM
GottaDiesel's Avatar
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I lost my best friend.

It's been over a week since my wife told me she was leaving. She came home, got a few things and told me she wouldn't be coming back. Some people said to give her space, other said to keep letting her know I was there for her. My mind is spinning. I'm trying to do the normal daily things: work, sleep, eat, etc. and it isn't easy. She says she isn't happy any more and doesn't love me. Just typing those words causes me to stare in disbelief. I don't know where she is, and she doesn't return any calls that I have tried to get to her (with family, etc.) (her family and I aren't on the best terms, to say the least). I've sent her countless emails, just to say "hi" and to let her know that I'm willing to work and do anything it will take to make things right. I haven't heard a single thing. I sent her flowers today to one of the family member's I thought she might be staying with -- doubtful she'll ever cast her eyes on them.
She was my best friend. I find myself in bed at night in tears wishing that God would send me my best friend. What I wouldn't do. I know I should have been more tolerant of her family.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, all I know is I love my wife with all my heart, she wasn't just my "wife" she really was my very best friend. I loved being with her, I love doing the most simple of things with her. Some people might say that she fell out of love with me, others might speculate that the pressure of her family and I not seeing eye to eye was just too much for her to deal with. Other wonder if there could be another "fella" in her life. I can't answer any of those things. I can only offer her my love and heart.

My future is most likely sealed -- I've lost my best friend. I guess the only thing I can hope is that if somebody else ever does read this, and finds themselves in the same or similar position, know one thing: don't give up. Hold on to that special love, give it your all. Counseling, prayer, heart-to-heart talks, what ever it takes, listen, CAREFULLY, to your partner. A true friend, and love is very hard to find. Take it from me, I really did lose my best friend.

I hope she's safe, and I hope she's not sad. I'd hate for her to be feeling the same way I am right now. One person having to feel like this is enough.

If you stumble upon a beautiful girl with brown hair and brown eyes and she looks a little sad, give her a smile and maybe a hug, and let her know how beautiful she really is. I don't think I told her enough. Or maybe I just didn't show it the way I should have.

Thanks for reading.
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  #2  
Old 11-17-2003, 10:01 PM
ThrillBilly
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ouch, dude. i hope all works out for the best.

all i can offer is to spend some time with a can of good wax on your MB when you need to burn off some of those vibes.

it will make you and the MB feel better.
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  #3  
Old 11-17-2003, 10:04 PM
BigPoppaBenz
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I'm sorry man... good luck - It must be hard.

I hope you can work through this and start enjoying life again as soon as possible.


peter
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  #4  
Old 11-17-2003, 10:04 PM
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That's really hard.

She just decided to leave? What was her excuse? Did she say that the "magic" in your relationship has fizzled or something of that nature?

She should be more than just a best friend. She is the woman you love, the one you took a solemn oath to never part with until death rips that bond away.

She took the oath, too when she said "I do,". For her to walk out on you like that, without any excuse at all, is sinful and disrespecting God's will.

Women are so emotional, she might show up at your residence within a few days time anyway. Women have this "need" to be protected. If she has noone but you, she will be back.

I'm sure she misses you. Good luck, and I hope all turns out well. Hang in there, pal.
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  #5  
Old 11-17-2003, 10:39 PM
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I may not know the details that led to your current dilemma, but I do know 2 things with certainty. First, you need to stop attempting to contact her -- she knows your situation, and this isn't helping one bit. Secondly, you need to do anything and everything you can to emotionally distance yourself from her -- I know -- easier said than done. You've already made it crystal clear that the fate of your relationship is entirely in her hands. You're not helping your situation by giving her that power. Claim some or all of that power for yourself. After all, it's YOUR life, not her's. It could be that claiming that power is the best chance you have for this to work out.

Ron
http://germanstar.net
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  #6  
Old 11-17-2003, 11:07 PM
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Thanks. Sorry to get all stupid like that. I just started writing... and you know how that can go.

She simply told me she isn't happy any more and doesn't love me.

It really does put things in perspective when things like this happen. All the things you *thought* were so important mean very little.

Quite the post for a male dominated "wrench" forum.
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  #7  
Old 11-17-2003, 11:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by GottaDiesel
Thanks. Sorry to get all stupid like that. I just started writing... and you know how that can go.

She simply told me she isn't happy any more and doesn't love me.
For now the best thing you can do is to give her a chance to miss you. Just leave her alone and give her that chance.

Good luck!

Ron
http://germanstar.net
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  #8  
Old 11-17-2003, 11:22 PM
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Don't bother trying to understand ANY of them,...

In the words of Dr. Emmett Brown of Back to the Future II after deciding to destroy the Delorion for fear of a possibly imminent paradox if the time machine were to fall into the wrong hands.

"And now I will devote my time to the other mystery of the universe....Women!"

The first time I got up the nerve to ask a girl OUT, I was rejected. Have not asked another one out since. I CAN'T EVEN TELL IF A GIRL IS LEADING ME ON, OR JUST BEING FRIENDLY!

To have loved and lost, is better than to never have loved at all.
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  #9  
Old 11-17-2003, 11:39 PM
GottaDiesel's Avatar
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Thanks again gang, I have to say, I've always had the answers and always been able to deal with things. This is, by far, the most shattering thing that can happen to a person at my stage in life. I hate the thought of just "leaving her alone" -- I know that may be the right thing to do. I've always been there for her, and known that this is how it has to be is very difficult.

Thanks again, I'm not the most religious person in the world, but prayer is about the only thing I have now.

Thanks.
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  #10  
Old 11-17-2003, 11:51 PM
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Sorry to hear what you're going through. Hopefully the passage of time will help a bit.

I do believe in the power of prayer. I'll say one tonight for both of you.

You never know what wonderful doors lie yet unopened in front of you....
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  #11  
Old 11-18-2003, 12:10 AM
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You're right, this male dominated wrench forum may be able to diagnose mechanical problems but relationship advice may not be our strong point. I'm sorry to hear of your pain and hope that it subsides in the near future.
I think you're probably right that family issues may be at the root of it. It's very hard to separate family issues from spousal relationships. If there were tensions between you and her family, unless she had the same tensions with her family, they could have easily come between you.
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  #12  
Old 11-18-2003, 12:19 AM
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Damn, I am sorry to hear about that. Take care of yourself emotionally right now, for she is probably doing the same to herself. I'll say a prayer for you both tonight also. Stay strong through this, for it is just one stone in the concrete on the road of life... stay off the shoulder of that road and you will eventually reach your wonderful destination, even with a few bumps and flats on the trip.
~D.J.~
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  #13  
Old 11-18-2003, 12:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by GermanStar
For now the best thing you can do is to give her a chance to miss you. Just leave her alone and give her that chance.

Good luck!

Ron
http://germanstar.net
This is the best advice right now, but also the hardest.
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  #14  
Old 11-18-2003, 01:21 AM
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I know what you are going through 'cause I've been there, done that. The excellent advice to let her have her space is good because if it is only a phase, she'll make her way home and it becomes a good learning experience. If she means it, well you know. If she calls and wants to talk, by all means do, and you really need to listen, let her talk - you listen. Don't go on about how bad you feel, but find out how she feels and what is bothering her, you know the drill. Big thing is you've got to mean it, not just giving lip service but really listening and trying to understand what she is saying.

Expect to not think as clearly as you used to, but don't worry this will pass. Your appetite will drop and I promise you are going to lose weight, not so much from the lack of appetite, but from stress. Again, this will pass too. Myself, I dropped about 30 pounds in 2 weeks, not healthy. Took a while but I gained back a good 20 and have stayed even for the past 10 years.

Which ever way this goes, you will survive and be stronger for it. Life does go on and it can get better.
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  #15  
Old 11-18-2003, 01:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by GermanStar
For now the best thing you can do is to give her a chance to miss you. Just leave her alone and give her that chance.
I know that it's been said, but let me reaffirm that statement.

I've had something like this happen to me twice. I wasn't married, but that didn't lessen the pain. The first time, I did much as you were doing; continued to attempt to talk to her, let her know what was going on and how devastated I was, etc, and I think that that did more than anything else to distance her. And distance her it did. I finally gave up after a month and never heard another word from her. I also spent 6 months in a deep depression; very unhealthy (especially since I'm not all that stable emotionally to begin with). That one hurt 'cause it was my first relationship, and we had been very close friends before we tried "getting together"...to this day, I regard that as one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made.

The second time, she didn't actually break up but told me that she didn't think the relationship was going to work out...so I told her that I would give her a week with me completely out of the picture, and had every intention of sticking to it. The next night, she called me in tears saying that she wanted to try to keep things going. She moved up here about a month later, and we've been happy ever since.

Sorry for kinda going off on a tangent, but I hope this helps a little bit. The pain can't truly be described, but you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel it, so don't worry about the "macho wrench forum guys" factor. Seriously, if you feel a need to talk about it, go ahead. There's always people on here willing to listen (okay, "read" ), and letting these emotions bottle up is one of the most dangerous things you can do.

Just remember you aren't alone.
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