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  #1  
Old 04-19-2004, 01:09 PM
dmorrison's Avatar
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The guys side of the story

Finally, the guys side of the story.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!



1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.



1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.



1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.



1. Crying is blackmail.



1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!



1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.



1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.

See a doctor.



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.



1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.



1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.



1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.



1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.



1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. (Yeah, right...He got lost, too.)



1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.



1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.



1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.



1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.



1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.



1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.



1. You have enough clothes.



1. You have too many shoes.



1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.



1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.



Pass this to as many men as you can -- to give them a laugh.



Pass this to as many women as you can -- to give them a bigger laugh!!

Dave
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1970 220D, owned 1980-1990
1980 240D, owned 1990-1992
1982 300TD, owned 1992-1993
1986 300SDL, owned 1993-2004
1999 E300, owned 1999-2003
1982 300TD, 213,880mi, owned since Nov 18, 1991- Aug 4, 2010 SOLD
1988 560SL, 100,000mi, owned since 1995
1965 Mustang Fastback Mileage Unknown(My sons)
1983 240D, 176,000mi (My daughers) owned since 2004
2007 Honda Accord EX-L I4 auto, the new daily driver
1985 300D 264,000mi Son's new daily driver.(sold)
2008 Hyundai Tiberon. Daughters new car
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  #2  
Old 04-19-2004, 07:53 PM
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I e-mailed this to my wife once. She seemed to get a kick out of it.
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  #3  
Old 04-19-2004, 08:40 PM
CJ CJ is offline
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Posts: 1,318
Oh darn!

When you said the guys side of the story, I thought you meant THE GUY's side of the story.
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  #4  
Old 04-20-2004, 01:54 AM
sfloriII's Avatar
Still pedaling...
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 1,614
I liked #1 the best!
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Current:
2014 VW Tiguan SEL 4Motion 43,000 miles.

2016 Hyundai Santa Fe Sport (wife's).

Past:
2006 Jetta TDI 135,970 miles. Sold Nov. '13.
1995 E-320 Special Edition. 220,200 miles. Sold Sept. '07.
1987 190-E 16 valve. 153,000 miles. Sold Feb. '06.
1980 300-D 225,000 miles. Donated to the National Kidney Foundation.
1980 240-D manual, 297,500 miles. Totaled by inattentive driver.
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  #5  
Old 04-20-2004, 12:04 PM
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Excelent
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85 Jeep CJ7
86 Chevy 6.2l diesel PU

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane."
Marcus Aurelius
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  #6  
Old 04-21-2004, 11:32 PM
Tymbrymi's Avatar
Klatta Klatta
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Olive Branch, MS
Posts: 616
To reinforce #1

http://www.queenofwands.net/d/20020909.html

If only the argument would actually work the other way

John
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